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Domestic Violence? do you stay?

Anomymous answers please.. I cheated, was completely drunk, with his sober cousin. in our house while he was outside smoking. he walked in and saw the end of our 10 sec sex, which I just made end. my fiance was screaming what the hell... as I laid on the floor in shock he started to beat me. My fiance is 5' 11 his cousin 6 ' 6. his cousin said it was his fault and after my fiance apologized to me, realizing I was taken advantage of.. I was in the wrong for cheating, he has never hit me before in 5 years of being together, no behavior like this ever. I still want to be with him, I will never cheat or even drink again, is it okay to stay, will he hit me again??


Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • There is no excuse for someone being beaten. EVER. you were both in the wrong. Unless you were completely passed out, then you knew what was going on around you. Chances are he'll hit you again. That's just the way it works, I'm so sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Are you the girl who posted about this yesterday minus the abuse and being forgiven?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • chances are he'll hit you if in a rage again. that shows a side of him that you never hope to find out about. it may not turn into an everyday abuse, it may not be till 10 years down the road, but if something were to upset him so badly again....probably. And this is NOTHING against you, but you will probably drink again, no matter how solid your resolve. I believe you on the cheating thing, sounds like his cousin's an ass who took advantage. If you truly weren't at fault at all, you need to let him do the making up here for hitting you. Let him know you're sorry, but let him know how you feel about him hitting you and that you're scared of that now. Talk through it, you probably won't lose each other. But this is NOT something you can ignore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • If he is willing to forgive you, I would stay. But, if I ever cheated on my husband with his cousin while he was outside smoking, I would know I DESERVED a beating. I don't care how DRUNK you say you were, there is no excuse for that!! You always know what you are doing, unless you were passed out. If I was him, I would have thrown the both of you out on the streets. You should be ashamed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • There is NO excuse for abusing someone EVER. It was wrong of you to cheat yes but that is not a reason for him to beat you. If he did it once, he'll do it again. Trust me. I had a friend who's boyfriend started out grabbing her arm...she stayed. Next time around he punched her in the face...she stayed. The time after that he broke her arm...she stayed still. And the final time he ran her over with his truck and shattered her leg. FINALLY she left but look what it came to! But like I need to GET OUT of this relationship. No one ever has a justifiable reason for beating their girlfriend/fiance/wife/children etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • You BOTH were in the wrong. I've been pretty fucking drunk, but I don't go taking my panties off and let another guy fuck me ESPECIALLY while my SO is right outside. That's ballsy as hell, you had it coming. I would've been pissed if that had happened to me, and my first reaction would probably be to lash out in violence, just like he did. I'd be begging for his forgiveness.. seems like the cousin took the blame just to let you off the hook, you're still just as guilty as he is.

     Drunk shmunk.. keep your legs shut. What the hell! Some women deserve a good beating..!

    Yeah, yeah. I know you're all crying about my answer now. Shut up.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I am ashamed.. I did post this in another question.. he has forgiven me.. I do worry that something else will trigger another physical situation. He cant kick me out, he totaly depends on me.. he is between jobs. I competely support the house.. I own both cars, pay all bills and support our daughter plus his others whom he has full custody of. I feel like I deserved it, I know how bad that sounds, but if it was the other way around I would have done the same to him, unfornately he would probably not have been forgiven. and would have been kicked out...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • you should leave him then. if you think the situation reversed would mean you kicking him out, then you don't deserver to stay with him. he'll most likely hit you again. and there is a chance that he's "forgiven" you because you support him

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I agree with all of you. I'm sure he just lost his temper...but wouldn't you if the shoes were reversed? I mean you were cheating on him, with a family member, in his house. Despicable. If he's never done it before, I think you are safe. It probably just pushed him over the edge. He's probably wondering if YOU'LL do it again. The emotional scars of seeing something like that would be devastating.
    A similar thing happened to me, only I was the one to catch my bf and my friend in my house and in my bed together. I threw her out, and proceeded to punch him in the face. He beat me until I passed out. I woke up bloody and bruised, and all his stuff was gone. So, it could have been worse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • If he were to beat anyone you'd think it would have been the cousin especially if he were on top. He obviously holds you accountable for what happened. Funny how guys do that but sometimes they just look for an excuse.
    Women of domestic violence rarely leave and stay gone the first time. If you don't want to leave then don't. Stay and let him prove himself. If he does it again then you know the answer to will he do it again. We all make mistakes. Learn from them. Maybe he should stop smoking and leaving a drunk wife with a scoundrel cousin.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:52 AM on Apr. 10, 2009