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We just don't know what to do anymore...

My stepson just turned 12. He is completely tearing our family apart. DH has no idea what to do with him and he is so frustrated. He doesn't listen to anything...he has threatened my daughter with violence tons of times. Now she lives in a home where she isn't even allowed to talk to her own step brother. It's really sad. I was looking for something in his room yesterday and found numerous drawings of him commiting acts of stabbing someone...He stays grounded and every inch of slack we give him he takes a mile. I am at the point where I want to take my daughter and go so I don't have to deal with it. We are expecting a baby and I know I won't feel comfortable allowing him around her. I am afraid that if I take him to a doctor he will fool them...which he is really something he is good at and he won't be diagnosed properly. I'm also scared to death that he has a mental disorder that is not fixable. What do I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (17)
  • i think i would take your daughters and leave, he might be a sociopath.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Get him help, if he tries to fool them, keep returning until you are believed. Take his drawings, take your other family members with you....but he seriously needs counseling before it really is too late...and he does something that he cant take back.


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 12:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OP here- My thoughts exactly...I Love my Dh so much...and he doesn't want to give up on his son but it's to the point now where we are having a baby and I am afraid he will have to choose one child over the other. DH doesn't know what to do...we have tried everything in our power. I feel terrible for saying it but I honestly wish we had to money to send him away somewhere...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • where is your daughter, with her father?

    Answer by aliciatron at 12:17 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Counseling, and maybe a home for boys that helps with mental issues, not like a mental lockup, but somewhere that he can stay and learn some tools that can help with his anger. Like a group home maybe. But definitely get counseling, now before someone gets hurt, and let the counselor see some drawings and als let them hear all sides of the story. It may be a while before he starts to show his true colors and get a diagnoisis, but it will happen eventually and dont give up on him just yet.

    Answer by AK_aries at 12:22 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Take him to get help right away. Take the drawings take family members. Try not to blame your husband, no good parent wants to give up on their child. You can't show fear, you are the parent and show the take charge side of you. He maybe having issues with being in a blended family. That happens a lot more than you know. If it were one of your children that was having problems you would want to help them any way you can. I know you feel at your wits end but you have to help him get help. Talk to the school, take him to doctors, take him to therapist. All of them are trained to see through him.  Good luck Mama


    Answer by pnwmom at 12:23 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OP here- my daughter lives with us. It takes it's toll on her. And I'm 5 months pregnant and can't handle the stress he causes. And these problems were going on long before we were a blended family. I just think DH didn't want to admit it was that bad. He is a total bully at school but acts like he is bullied to his teachers. Fortunately they see through it. He was getting in trouble for hitting people...that has somewhat stopped but it still happens sometimes. I know he needs fear is that he won't be able to be helped...there are mental disorders that can't be fixed and he fits into the diagnoses of one in particular that scares the hell out of me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Well there is a HUGE issue with his BioMom not being in the picture. Your children have you and he is aware of that. I am not defending his behavior at all but hopefully providing insight on the situation. See my own Mom wasn't in the picture at times in my life and I could put my family through hellish times too. I saw my step mom sacrfice not only for my step sister but me too. I used to get angry and say mean things to the both of them. And with therapy I realized my anger was because I wanted my Mom to be there for me like my stepmom was. I felt jealous and left out even though I was included in everything. I just wanted my own mom to show that same type of love for me. And I had to learn to work letting that part of my life go and learn to trust again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Take charge of your family. You and your husband need to present a united front for the boy. Remind him he is a child and not the adult. Get help for him. Take the pictures and show them to a doctor when you take him. That behavior isn't ok and surely isn't safe for you.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 12:29 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I agree with taking him to a therapist, and taking the drawings with you. With the drawings as proof of his behavior, a therapist will see through his lies and help find the underlying answer to his acting out.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:29 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

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