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So what should I do? And how does all of this work?

Okay my DF and I are getting married this June, we have already told everyone, and have sent out invites with RSVP cards to return, the envelopes are even already stamped, but we have not recieved any of them back yet......and to be honest I dont think his family (aunts and uncles and grandpa) are all that thrilled with the fact that he is going to marry me and he didnt marry his ex (they have two kids together, and she is friends with all of his family still why IDK really its kind of stupid that she just hasnt moved on yet, but she doesnt even spend holidays with her own family just with his), anyhow I am worried that because of this and the fact that we have yet to receive any of our RSVP cards back I just dont think anyone is going to come and its because of that. I am a little Upset about it and not sure if I should be or not. Everyone was all nice when we told them but now I am thinking that they think he is making a....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I can understand that it's hurtful but marrying someone is about more than the wedding. The wedding is just a celebration. If you are having these feelings now, are you sure you want to be in this situation? Sounds like the ex is always going to be a big part of your life and his family loves her. Are you ready to accept that? Are you ok with being second best? Are you ok with your children maybe being treated differently than hers? Don't go into a marriage thinking things will change because for the most part, they won't. It takes more than love for a marriage to survive just keep that in mind.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • mistake by marrying me and not her. So what if they dont send back any f the cards? What if noone comes to the wedding even?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I would still have it. I am sure you will have someone there. Even if it is only you, your man and the bridal party. It will be lovely. YOu have spent to much time preparing for this and don't let other peoples stupidity ruin your big day. Plus, some of them may be planning on attending, they just haven't sent back the RSVP cards.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 2:44 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I would share your concern with you DF and ask him to ask around and see if they have sent back their rsvp's or not. He is the one they will probably be open to so he should be the one to do the asking. Sometimes people in the family think its obvious they will be there so they think they don't need to rsvp, it could just be that. If he reminds them, he will either find out why they haven't rsvp'd or they will share with him whether or not they plan to come. Good luck, and don't let it ruin your wedding plans. Do you have family and friends of your own that will be there?
    nannabart

    Answer by nannabart at 2:49 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • legalmommy101----I understand what you are saying and well while I am not totally okay with it I try to keep in mind that it doesnt matter how any of them feel because my DF loves me and he is the one I am marrying, not them. The only reason why any of bothers me is because that is going to be such a special day for us that I want people to be able to share it with us KWIM, this wedding and marriage is very important to me, because unlike my first marriage I am actually marrying someone for the RIGHT reasons because I loev him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, it wasnt like that with my first, and wehave a very strong bond too. I guess I just dont get why would she stuill come around, why cant she spend time and holidays with HER family and not his?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • nannabart----yes I will have my mom my children and my sister there possily my grandfather too if his health is willingly, we were planning on having a very small wedding anyway, but its just the principle
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I understand OP. Sound like you are marrying him for the right reasons. You aren't just marrying him though. When you marry a man with children you are marrying a packaged deal and all the extras that come along with that. It sounds like over all , you are happy and that's great. Just keep in mind that the small things like I mentioned can become explosive if not dealt with in a healthy manner. I've been in this situation (not the ex problem) but I know first hand how it sucks when you feel like you are not part of the family and you see your children being treated differently. If they don't come...it's their problem not yours.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:03 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I would say have your wedding and whoever comes, comes. Sure it is rude not to RSVP...It is your wedding and you should enjoy it! If they don't come then maybe you know how they feel but maybe they don't know you like they should. They would be wrong for not trying to get to know you or try to be nice even if they are friendly with his ex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I'm not defending anyone here I'm only sharing pieces of my family history. My Grandma never would accept the new wife in full. They were made to feel like they'd split up the happy couple (her belief was marriage is forever and the original couple should've worked it out and the other woman is in the way). When in reality her daughter in law on one side had cheated on her son with his father but didn't share that out of respect for the wife because she's the mother of his kids) and the other, her son was running around with lots of women before he finally left his wife for a teenager that had no idea what she was walking in to.
    Older people think marriage is forever no matter what... and other people think to get to see the kids, they'll keep welcoming the woman back, the divorce was between the couple, not them.
    Make your holidays with your family since she's with them if you can't deal with that.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:39 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • And if they don't come to the wedding... it's their loss, it's their son they'll be hurting and it's his heart that will have trouble forgiving them. My Grandma would let my ex hubby come to Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner (we didn't have kids together) so I refused to go till after he went home.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:41 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

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