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My expectations are too high! Anyone else have this problem? Any advice?

I expect a lot from my children. My son, 7, is very bright, and was an early developer. However, that, I think, has led me to hold him to a higher set of responsibilities than I would most children. My daughter, 14 months, is pretty smart thus far too. I want to correct my behavior before I push it on to my daughter and while I still can fix things with my son. Thanks so much!


Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 5:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • Ah, it's the "doing i just so" that you're worried about here? Well bless your heart, you are a mom in a million to be thinking about this! Just my opinion, but I think you should work at breaking the habit by letting the littler things go. It's great that you want him to achieve, academically and personally, and encouraging him towards responsible, polite behavior is the very best thing as long as it's done with love and from your attitude, I believe without a shadow of a doubt that it is. One thing to try that springs to mind would be having a period of family time every day where everyone just relaxes and does whatever, even burping and not saying "excuse me!" It's not like he's going to forget that he's supposed to say "excuse me."

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 5:30 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I know I am like this but I feel if I dont push them who will? I do not make them feel bad about not acheiving something(my son is 5) but I do help him get there. I think it is how you go about doing it.

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 5:12 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I think it is ok for a parent to push their kids educational wise..As long as you make it clear to them your doing out of love.


    Answer by louise2 at 5:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • We all hold our own to a higher level. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you're not expecting a seven year old to be reading Shakespeare and doing trigonometry already.

    Has the teacher told you that you're being too tough, or is this coming from your own thoughts? Do you know what the standards are for your child's grade level? Get familiar with them and then you can figure out whether you're really being too tough. And if you are...ask yourself what's the worst that can happen if you let one homework assignment slide, etc.

    He won't go to the Ivy League? Might not be a bad thing. *grin**

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:17 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I also held my children to very high standards, and expected alot of them. But I also gave them my all. They are now 29 & 26, and have thanked me numerous times for doing so. They say I was the push that helped them get where they are. They look around at their peers and see alot of laziness born of "the free and easy spirit" of their parents (lack of) guidance. What you put in, will come back to you. You'll see.

    Answer by EireLass at 5:20 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Its not just educationally. I mean, as far as the his behavior around the house. And in public. I expect him to be able to do everything just so, and we doesn't, I have a really hard time with it. Thanks ladies.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 5:21 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • It's ok to have expectations for our kids and to push them a little but they need to be able to be kids too. Let them enjoy themselves and their time with you without undo stress. Are children don't have to be perfect, but I agree they need to behave in public, use good matters and be respectful. But I don't expect perfection.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:38 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • well just chill out and enjoy them... remember they are only young and precious once and listen to pink floyd's the wall... they had major mommy issues that you should try to avoid.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 6:05 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • My Opinion-
    grades and test scored often don't really mean much- they just compare your child with a group of 30 other kids their age. (or all other kids in the school district their age, etc) And scores often don't really prove how smart a child is or what they really know.

    Have 'personal goals', not grade/percentage goals. Goals of doing things, experiencing things- not goals of test scores.

    Answer by Kiter at 6:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • My kids are aged 25 down to 15. I totally recognize now that I was very hard on my oldest daughter. I expected a lot out of her. It was important to me that she always look nice and clean, always be polite, always do what she was told..... It may not sound so bad, but now that I am older I can see how little some of it mattered. My daughter is a wonderful person. But so are her siblings, and they weren't quite that way. I still kept high standards, but Ialso made a point to relax and have fun. I have very few regrets in life, and this is one of them.

    Answer by familycoach4U at 7:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2009