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Parents of possible/autistic toddlers or kids

I need to hear it will get better. We are waiting on the official diagnosis, but at the speech therapist today, first appt, she "strongly encouraged" me to get him evaluated. I told her we were in que for an appt. He's 3 & throws the worst tantrums, sometimes for hours, and I think I'm dealing with it (the situation) ok, then the guilt, anger, sorrow returns. It's a come and go type thing, like PMS lol. Will I ever totally accept this? When will the tears dry up? I love him with all my heart, but it feels so unfair, that I see babies under a year talking better than him, behaving in public, engaging with people instead of screaming No at their friendly hi. And the looks we get, like we are raising a total brat, people who judge without knowing the entire situation. I just need to hear the pain subsides, but only if it's true

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Kids' Health

Answers (9)
  • I wish I had something better to tell you, but for me it has not.

    Some days I am happy, some days I cry. Its a roller coaster.

    But I feel we were chosen b/c we were special enough to handle them. ;)

    It might feel better if you had a diagnosis. I say that and I dont have one. My dd is so boarderline that we might not, her symptoms seem to be lessening every week. So I get real confused about how I feel about her behavior.

    I truely know how you feel though.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 6:26 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • My son does not have Autism, but he is a special needs child, he has Down Syndrome. I know it can be very hard facing such a diagnosis, you never want anything but the best for your children. Keep your chin up, the pain will subside! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me =)

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 6:27 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • It flared up again is why I wrote this ?, because my son went from stacking his blocks to lining up similar items beside them. Two canisters went side by side, two cars beside that, two toy dogs etc. This is the first time he obsessively lined up items, & I know that's a red flag. But he did do something adorable, he put a plastic cake on top of the blocks and kept on shouting "Pie," so proud of himself lol :-) Then the blocks fell down and a hissy fit ensued *groan!*

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • When you know what you are dealing with, then you can learn how to handle it. It can get better. In the meantime, keep a very detailed chart of his behavior (time of tantrum, how long it lasted, what was going on at the time: place, sounds, smells, lights...very detailed, how you responded, and what he did after it was over) This will help with the evaluation process. Good luck and take it one day at a time.

    Answer by Kimebs at 9:11 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • As the mom of autistic twins I can honestly tell you it will get better, and the worse again, and then better, etc....... keep your chin up, your heart strong, and a bottle of tequila handy lol.

    Answer by dle4125 at 11:04 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Sorry I can't help. I grew up knowing my children would most likely be autistic (I am) so I never felt this mourning that it seems most parents do.

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:19 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My oldest is 7 and youngest 4 both with PDD NOS. My oldest was much more difficulty when she was younger. Today she is mostly happy with some outbursts. She has behavior issues in school but is getting better every day. She is now starting to play with other kids at her after school program but does not have friends at school. She laughs, smiles, gives hugs and kisses. I used to wonder if she understood what love was and I am happy to say I do not wonder anymore. I have been going through a new stage of acceptance. When she was in 1st grade she was doing better than now and I have come up with many reasons for the decline. I always tried to find a biomedical solution and this time have learned to just love her for who she is now.

    Answer by jthor at 9:59 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Message me if you like and I can give you some websites to look at.

    Answer by jmcan at 10:49 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Bless your heart, I can completely relate. For me, it has gotten much better. Some of the best advice I got in the beginning was to focus on getting my son help as a way to channel my anger/sadness/frustration. Feeling like you can actually DO something can help.
    My son was diagnosed as severe at 1 1/2, he is now almost 5 and dx mild, he can speak in sentences, read, go to the store with us, play pretend, etc. He is extremely funny and sweet, and we feel SO lucky to have him and grateful for what this experience has taught us. He is definitely not 'cured' though, and we still have a lot to deal with. Though I do still have times where I get really sad and think 'this is SO not fair (for him or me)!', it happens much less often now.
    Learning as much as you can to help him might help you feel more in control, it definitely worked for me. We learned how to do ABA so we could do it at home with him.
    It will get better! :)

    Answer by Norest4mommy at 2:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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