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Shouldn't DH be the one to talk to HIS Grandma?

A while back, DH talked to his G'ma about not smoking around our kids & she said she'd smoke outside when they were there. However, it took him a month to actually say something. He just ignored her calls before then which I thought was ridiculous. Today, we picked kids up from G'ma's & could tell she'd been smoking in the house. Kids told us, too. DH was ticked, but probably will just ignore her calls again instead of saying something. The kids won't be going to her house again until its resolved. In the past, his family has accused ME of being hateful when they didn't like OUR decision on whatever the problem was. Shouldn't he be the one to speak up?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:51 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • If it's his family, it's his responsibility to talk to them. If the tables were turned, and it were your family....I'm assuming he'd want you to take care of it.
    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 8:59 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • yeah- but if he doesnt have the guts then you should
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:54 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OMG BUT WHO HAS THE BALLS TO YELL AT
    THEIR GRANDMOTHER? YOUR DH WAS
    PROBABLY JUST RAISED WITH A HIGH LEVEL
    OF RESPECT TOWARDS HER AND CANT
    IMAGINE HAVING TO CORRECT HER ON
    HER ACTIONS. HE SHOULD TELL HER
    BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT
    IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT.
    AND IF HE DOESNT DO IT FAST ENOUGH
    FOR YOUR TASTE THAN WHY DONT YOU
    JUST TELL HER YOURSELF? (I ALWAYS
    BELIEVE THAT IF YOU WANT THE JOB
    DONE RIGHT DO IT YOURSELF) I MEAN,
    YOU BIRTHED HER GREAT GRANDCHILDREN
    AND SHES RELATED TO YOU AS WELL,
    PLUS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR KIDS
    HEALTH.. ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO WAIT
    FOR A MAN?
    bronxcouture

    Answer by bronxcouture at 8:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Whoa, I didn't say he had to yell at her. My kids aren't going there anyway until there is some sort of resolution. You're right, there is a matter of respect....but she is showing him and I NONE. I just don't feel like it would be fair for ME to have to say something and have his whole family gang up on me like he has no part in it like the always do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • In some families, since you are part of the grandchild generation, your opinion and wishes will be viewed as trivial and like a fad. That does not mean she is mean, she is used to being the one who tells what others should do and not the one who is told what to do. That is why your family has sorta turned on you. She is the grandma, always has been the grandma and has seniority. SHe may do better if you talk to her nicely, respectfully and woman to woman. You could say, please don't smoke around my kids, I am afraid they will get sick. Coming from you, it sounds like a concerned mom, coming from him it sounds like a honey do from you. I deal w/ older folks all the time and if you come across strong, you will have that 'mean' label until you die. Good luck and families are soooo complicated.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:05 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • momjoy1027...YES! He would flip out if I didn't take care of something we had an issue with if it were my family.

    Karriemarie....I am very reluctant to approach her at all because of the past issues. Any time I was even present for a disagreement, I was blamed for everything. I never spoke a disrespectful word to her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • p.s. I think the reason they all tend to blame me is that DH was a bit of a pushover as a kid. Now that he is grown, he is repulsed by the way they treated him and they hate that he actually voices his opinion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • She obviously takes everything you say against her personally and like you don't like her. This is a tough one. But saying anything thru him will come out as bad too. SHe is the queen bee in the family. Be careful.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:12 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Nah, not really. I don't think she'd have too much to argue with, but once she tells my MIL, she will be the one to act all stupid. She loves drama.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • AAAAAh, limit your time around them, I guess. Some people have no consideration for others, good luck.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:21 PM on Apr. 10, 2009