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what would you do?

my babys father doesnt want to be in the delivery room when i have our son. i have a daughter already.but this is his first child. he says he has heard that its gross and he doesnt want to see it.i told him if he wasnt in the delivery room that he wouldnt get to see his son at all. was i wrong for saying that? i just think its odd for someone to not want to see their kid(1st one at that) be brought into the world.I dont know what to do.should i just respect his wish to not want to be in there or i dunno... i dont even know what to think.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (8)
  • It isn;t gonna be gross if he is doing his job as birthing partner. Which is focusing on YOU. He will be at the top of the bed with you if he doesn;t want to look. I mean, lets be honest, he doesn't have to see the baby crown or cut the cord. But you would like him there to hold your hand, tell you you're doing great and see the baby with you once he/she is completely out.

    mum-to-be-at-18

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 9:02 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • yeah i tell him that he dont have to look below the waist. he can be at the top of the bed supporting me. i guess since he has never seen anyone give birth before he thinks you see all the other things anyways. i try to tell him you dont though.im just hurt more than anything that he doesnt want to be in there.because childbirth is not a gross thing at all. it is life
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • YES YOU WERE WRONG FOR TELLING HIM THAT.
    HE WAS GOING TO COME AROUND, YOU DIDNT
    HAVE TO BE SO DRASTIC.
    MY BABYS FATHER WAS 19 WHEN I GAVE BIRTH
    TO OUR FIRST BABY AND BIRTH REALLY DID
    GROSS HIM OUT (EPISIOTIMY & WHAT NOT).
    AND WHEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH OUR
    SECOND CHILD HE KEPT TELLING ME THAT
    HE DIDNT WANT TO BE THERE..
    TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT HE WAS THERE
    IN THE END.
    BUT REGUARDLESS WHEN HE TELLS YOU
    THAT HE HAS A PROBLEM YOU CANT BE
    SO DRASTIC YOU HAVE TO TRY AND WORK
    THINGS THROUGH. ITS JUST NOT LOGICAL.
    AND PLUS IF HE TRIED TO TAKE YOU TO
    COURT OVER THAT HE WOULD WIN
    BECAUSE NOT BEING IN THE ROOM ISNT
    REASON FOR HIM TO NEVER SEE HIS CHILD.
    bronxcouture

    Answer by bronxcouture at 9:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • please it gross all the way around especially if hes the one watching it not doing it its slimmy and ....just not cute at all!!! but hell thats what he get when he has a kid dammit if you gotta be there then so does he
    medic_mom242

    Answer by medic_mom242 at 9:54 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • While I do think that is a lilttle extreme and totally not in your right to do because the law is on his side I would be deaply hurt if my husband didn't want to be there.

    As far as I'm concerned we both made this baby and I'll be damed if we're not both there to welome him into the world. I would be devestated.

    Explain to him how truly hurt you are by this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • You may have gone a little too far in your response, but I don't think it's anything an apology and a frank conversation can't resolve. Are you taking childbirth classes? If not, do it. They are a great resource for the realities of what childbirth will be like for you and look like for him. My DH was petrified of the whole process until after our classes. They really helped him understand what I was going to be experiencing and why it was important for him to be there for me. We also watched several videos of childbirth so he knew what he would be seeing.
    crazydogchick

    Answer by crazydogchick at 10:02 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • i agree w the first poster
    tnteaton

    Answer by tnteaton at 10:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • It doesn't matter HOW gross it is. It's really about being there to support you in your time of need. Ideally, I don't even want to be in the room, but that's a little unrealistic ya know?! My husband just focused on me. If he were to actually have looked or anything like that, he probably would have passed out. What I remember most is him plugging his ears as they cut the umbilical cord. It's very selfish for them to think only for themselves. As if the experience weren't scary enough.
    tinkle84

    Answer by tinkle84 at 1:13 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

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