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Catching a cheating spouse...

This isn't about me, but I have an ex bil who knows his wife is cheating on him. Problem is, he can't find definite proof, and I don't know how to advise him. He doesn't have transportation; therefore, he can't follow her (not sure how she gets around). None of his family or friends want to get involved either.

This isn't the first time she's done this, but he wants to have something definite to throw in her face when the confrontation and expected denial comes.

Any suggestions on what I can tell him would be appreciated. My dh is at a loss as well.

Answer Question
 
rhope4

Asked by rhope4 at 9:40 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I'd guess the best way is to hire an investigator. No idea how much that would cost, but I don't know of another way to get proof.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:42 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I'm with you there, but he's short on money like everyone else these days...
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 9:44 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • can u or dh follow her? or have him tell her he has to leave for the weekend ( any good reason at all ) and set up a camra in the bedroom or couch so he can watch it when he gets back. i know there are places u can rent from like rent one pluse or rent a center for like 20.00 a week. corse he has to hide it. i dunno its a tough one if he cant drive. what about phone recoreds? text mess. comp.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Unfortunately, he lives a good three hours away from me, and so I can't help him either except to be supportive. As for cameras, I'll have to pass that on to him. His sister said that this isn't the first time it happened and that she (the cheater) brought her f-buddy to an apartment she and the ex bil had just rented. The sister just happened to stay the night there to guard the possessions, and the cheater did not know she was there.

    The camera is a good idea though. He might have some connections he could use...
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 9:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I would stay out of it. Let them deal with their relationship.
    Tetona

    Answer by Tetona at 10:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • he is your EX leave it alone sounds like you still want him ...he is a EX for a reason he is a big boy he can take care of him self JMO

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • if they don't have transporation how is she going out and finding men and meeting them to cheat? Are you saying sister was hiding under the bed listening or in the closet watching? I think someone is pulling your leg on these stories.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • nanny cams they look like toys but they are camras my brother did it to his wife while he was on a buisness trip thier divorced now and i have nanny cams to watch my nanny and baby sitters lol.
    SarahRandall

    Answer by SarahRandall at 11:07 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • She said ex brother in law anon. If he doesn't know she is cheating, how does he know she is cheating? I mean, if there is nothing definite then how does he know?

    coutterhill

    Answer by coutterhill at 11:20 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • If he knows she's cheating then what's his deal? Something tells me he won't leave her even if he sees it. This is their marriage and you are a third party, so it's not a good idea to follow her. Just be there for him and try to discuss the reasons why this is a bad idea. He might not be ready to leave her and is just stalling. Be a good friend by telling him he deserves better and that he needs to say so. What if they work it out? Then it's like you were helping him stalk her and it just makes the whole situtation weird. Maybe encourage him to seek some help, if someone stays with a cheater and is ok with it, then they don't love themselves enough. Best of luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

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