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I feel so guilty all the time, how do I get over it?

Okay so, first off, I KNOW that I have like zero reason to feel guilty as a mother, BUT, every time I do anything for just myself, I feel terrrrible and dont even enjoy myself. Yesterday was probably the second or third time i've ever gone out with a friend and left my daughter with my mom, I just felt like crap the whole time, and sooo anxious. My mom does'nt help either, she always makes it seem like it's a "chore" to watch my daughter for me. Anyways, DD can be sitting playing with her toys having the time of her life, and I feel guilty for just checking my email, or having a snack, or doing anything besides giving her 100% of my attention. I always think about how I wish I could get out more and get more breaks from being a mommy, but then whenever I do, I cant even enjoy myself because i'm overwhelmed with guilt.

Am I the only one, and how in the WORLD do you get yourself to stop feeling guilty for every tiny thing!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (9)
  • Its ok to go have fun w/o your daughter, you need to have a life too!!

    Answer by Kbmancine at 9:55 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • If your mother makes it seem a chore, this is probably what is influencing you. Is there anyone else you can have watch your baby? Or a mom's day out place, perhaps, or a neighbor or friend you could trade babysitting with? If you don't have your mother's attitude hanging over your head you'd probably feel much better. If you don't find that you feel better, I'd recommend talkng with your doctor in case there is some hormonal or medical reason for your sadness and anxiety.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I used to feel that way too, but trust me, it goes away with time.
    Try finding someone else to watch your child; seems like your mother is only adding to your anxiety.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • The guilt will eventually go away. It definately dosen't help to have your mom make you feel like she's being put out. Can you find someone else you can trust to watch your DD? Maybe leave her with Daddy. Just remember to be the best mommy you possibly can be you need to have time to yourself.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:07 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • maybe try play dates. this way your still spending time with your DD. She is getting the chance to interact with other kids, and you still get to spend time with another woman. I know I try to get out once a month for just mommy time, but there are times when I need a friend to just chat with, and play dates make that possible without the guilt. Because I'm still there, and DD is having a ball having fun interacting with her friend.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:28 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Thanks for all the suggestions! :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My mom was a single mom and I watched her slowly go insane by not having any kind of social life and she seemed miserable at times. A lot of the time I thought it was my fault. Trust me, you getting a break is helping your baby. I feel guilt too sometimes, but you learn fast you can't sweat the small stuff, there's not enough time in the day to always feel guilty about little things like checking your email. Sometimes our kids need a break from us too. I always say that being a mom means always feeling guilty. It's true, no matter what we do, whether we stay at home, work from home, or work outside the home we always manage to find something to feel guilty about. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember you are a better mom when you are taking care of you.

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 12:39 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Its natural to feel guilty about the little things. I felt the same way. Sometimes I would worry if I gave my child enough attention that day etc. But, you have to have sometime to yourself at one point and there is nothing wrong with that. Every now and again you do feel like getting in touch with the adult world because as mothers you spend all of your time and energy talking to toddlers. Its to the point that when I go to adult birthday parties I am talking about my child and passing pictures around lol. I dont know how not to be a mother in any situation. It is better when you have other friends that have kids around the same are that you can relate to. It helps alot with people to understand what you are going through.
    Just know that your child is in good hands and is safe. After a few times of going out you will get use to it just like you did when you first became a mother. Just take it a day at a time. Hope this help

    Answer by momofonewntmore at 2:19 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • you need time to yourself or your going to get burned out. my daughter is like you in away. shes stressed out from being a single teen mom ,going to school ,and working. go have fun. just get someone else to watch your daughter.

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 5:17 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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