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Am I REALLY Wrong For Feeling This Way?

Due to the fact that my husband and I sort of took off to get married, I didn't get to have a Bridal Shower, my church threw a little thing that like maybe 15 people showed up or whatever and it didn't include any of my friends, that was understandable to me considering the circumstances. When I was pregnant with first son the church once again planned a shower, they didn't ask me when would be a good time, if they had it wouldn't have been AFTER my son's birth (he was early), it was a quick thing, people arrived, ate, I opened gifts and everyone left. I just had my second child and they're throwing another shower, this one is for me and TWO other people at one time, and I've no doubt will be like the last, eat, open gifts, leave. I just feel like I don't even want to be part of it! I mean it's nice of them to do.... but I don't know... (cont. below)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Apr. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • (cont.) I guess I'm just really feeling depressed that I've never been able to have a "normal" shower, thrown by a friend, fun games, laughter, just good times. It's not about gifts, I could care less about gifts, and honestly I am less than enthused when it comes to gifts from this shower (this is my second boy and I know I'll get billions of clothes I DON'T need). I guess I just feel like none of my friends care..... ugh.... I'm just being ungrateful aren't I?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OP here: Oh yeah... one more thing... too late to decline on this shower, it's a week from tomorrow.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • just becuase your church throws you a shower doesn't mean your firends can't. I would be more upset that your friends or family haven't planned one for you.

    you aren't ungrateful. do you friends even go to the church one? do they celebrate the birth of your kids at all?

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:39 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Let the person who is throwing the shower for you know what you would like. Tell them lots of games and yummy food. I bet they will listen.

    Answer by Amber115 at 10:39 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I would just go, be happy that people are trying to honour your child's birth even if it's not in your ideal circumstances, and be thankful for what you get. Quite honestly, with my second and third children I did not get ANY kind of recognition because my family thinks second showers are tacky. With my third no one even sent me a card! We are always going to feel we 'missed out' on something (I wish I had a bachelorette when I got married, for instance, but it just never happened.) But on the whole people are happier when they just appreciate what they get and move on!

    Answer by Freela at 10:42 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • OP here:

    aly- No, none of my personal, close friends, attend my church. Some did come to the shower for my first son, they'd asked who I wanted invited that time. This time I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to invite my Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Laws.

    Amber- They don't ask anything but "will this day work for you". Well they did ask if there were anyone I wanted invited with my first, but this shower for my second, because it's being thrown for three people at once.... it just feels impersonal and like they're doing it just because.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • I know what you mean about not feeling "into" it, but it sounds like the church has been really good to you, and sometimes you just have to fake the enthusiasm at risk of seeming ungrateful.

    Even if it is "just because" they are still taking the time to plan it, buy gifts, celebrate with you...and that takes some kind of consideration and effort. Try to find some joy in it.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 10:55 PM on Apr. 10, 2009

  • Be happy someone cares enough to include you,I had to throw myself a shower.I have a very inconsiderate family unfortunately.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 9:58 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I have 2 sons and never got a shower of any kind. My friends are too self absorbed to throw me a bridal or baby showers so just be happy you are getting something.

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:21 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Talk to your family and friends about having a shower. Tell them you just want to get together with family and friends for an afternoon of silly games, love and laughter. You can tell them that you don't need presents. You just want to spend time with your family and friends. You can suggest that if someone wants to get presents: get books, have them write a letter to the baby, diapers and wipes are always a nice gesture. Your family and friends may not know how you feel and may think you are ok with the church gathering. As for the church gathering, just go and be grateful they are thinking of you and your baby. It may not be what you want but it is a nice gesture.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:18 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

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