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WHAT DO I DO? MY DAUGHTER HAS STARTED TALKING ABOUT HER BIO-FATHER AND THAT BOTHERS MY HUSBAND-HER NEW FATHER?

BUT LATELY SHES BEEN TALKING TO HER 5 YEAR OLD FRIEND, AT THE BABYSITTERS, AND SAYING "SHE NOW HAS TWO DADS". OK- MY NOW HUSBAND IS NOT HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER BUT ACT AS IF HE IS. HER BIO-FATHER TOOK PARTCIAL CARE OF HER UNTILL ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO AND NOW DOES NOTHING-VISITITATION OR FINANCULLY FOR HER. WE STOPED ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HIM AT THAT TIME ALSO. SHE HAS NEVER REALLY TALKED ABOUT HIM TILL NOW. THIS ALL MAKES MY NOW HUSBAND A LITTLE AGITATED BECAUSE HER BIO-FATHER DOES NOTHING FOR HER AND HE DOES ALOT FOR HER. I MEAN HE WAKES HER UP FOUR DAYS A WEEK,DRESSES HER, AND FEEDS HER BREAKFEST-BEFORE TAKING HER TO THE BABYSITTERS, AS I GO TO WORK EARLIER THAN HIM, AND GIVES HER A BATH AND FEEDS HER DINNER BEFORE I GET HOME ON THOSE NITES TOO,AS I GET OFF LATER THAN HIM. SO I DO UNDERSTAND HOW HE MAY FEEL THAT SHE IS KIND OF REJECTING HIM AS THE "FATHER". I KNOW THAT SHE LOVES HER 'NEW' FATHER CAUSE SHE SAYS IT AND SHOWS IT. BUT...HOW DO I TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS? AND HOW DO I GET HIM

 
KAYOCHOA

Asked by KAYOCHOA at 2:40 PM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • You don't mention how old your DD is, but you mention that her friend is 5, so I take it she's 5 too or close to 5.  She's just little girl and is sharing the facts she has 2 Dads. Perhaps she thinks it's "cool" or that makes her "special", Does her friend have 2 Dads?? Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it and I would tell your hubby to let it go, she's just a little girl. And if she loves him and shows it that's all that really matters....after all she is special to have 2 Dads, especially an (step) Dad that loves her so much!!! Not everyone is that lucky!!
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 2:52 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I think its important for your husband to realize that she loves him and she is just curious. Kid's talk. The most important thing is, he continues to love her and do the things that Dad's do for their children. Like the saying goes "Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a Dad"
    WRVRider

    Answer by WRVRider at 2:46 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • My daughter's bio-father has never been involved in her life but around the age of 4-5 she started talking about him ALL THE TIME. I communicate with her bio-father but he is scared to attempt to visit her now that so much time has passed (6years). My husband had a hard time with this for a bit, but with time it got easier. I found that trying to answer the questions honestly worked - some things were pushed to a back burner because she is too young too really understand and ultimately we settled on a "we don't talk about him because he is not here" mentality. It didn't mean she couldn't ask a question, but that we weren't going to spend an hour debating this or that when it came to him. I told her one day she will be able to ask him herself.
    I know it's tough but hang in there!
    ~K
    cafekel

    Answer by cafekel at 3:51 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Coming from the perspective of a 21 year old who has never met her biological father...this is a situation that requires some delicacy. My step-dad has always been amazing, I love him, but there is still the secret side of me that longs to know my other half. Do I look like him? Smile like him? Laugh at the same things? I have always resented my step-dad for closing that door. Be careful to treat your daughters questions as valid and important. If her biological dad is not interested in a relationship, at least tell her anything and everything she wants to know about him. You need to have respect for your husband, but not at the expense of your daughters identity.
    hannahjoy17

    Answer by hannahjoy17 at 8:15 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • My 11 and 9 year old daughters have just started to write back and forth with their bio-dad even though my current husband has raised them since they were 3 and 1. Talk to your daughter and explain that she has a Father and a Daddy. Her Father helped create her with you but Daddy is the person that cares for her every day. This worked for my girls at a young age and as they got older I was able to explain in more detail why they aren't able to see him and won't until they are in their 20's.
    Pogovina

    Answer by Pogovina at 11:06 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • wow I understand my kids have no contact either my daughter isnt as negative towards him as my son & now have an excelent step dad who is also a dad of his own too need to talk?
    ouromnifamily

    Answer by ouromnifamily at 2:35 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

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