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Please give me advice

Ok, so I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. 2 years ago he was in the national guard and got medically discharged because of his knee during basic. They told him after 6 months he could re-enlist. We have a georgous 4 month old son, and he has just decided to re-enlist. He is planning to wait until August I think, because that is when our lease is up, so that way he is home when we have to get a new apartment. I am freaking out. We have a lot of bills, we both work fulltime, but our scheduals work out so that we only need a sitter on sundays. Well when he is gone for 4 to 6 months for training, I have very few people to help me out. I can't aford to pay a sitter, nor do I want some one else raising my son and putting him to bed every night. We dont make enough for me to be a SAHM, even though I would love it more than anything. I just dont know if I can handle the stress while hes gone. Please give me advice...

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ashtonjames

Asked by ashtonjames at 12:10 AM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 5 (96 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • tell him EVERYTHING you just said, if things are working now then why change them you know?
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:13 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I have told him everything possible. I dont want him to go, I dont want the stress, I dont want him sent over seas, but he feels like a failure for not making it through the first time and he wants more than anything to go back for the money, schooling, and other to make our lives better in the future. He said he wants to be something his son can look up too. And I told him his son will be proud of him no matter what. But he has already made his choice, this is what he wants, and I have to support his decision.
    ashtonjames

    Answer by ashtonjames at 12:16 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I second Mikayla. The two of you need to hash this out. Also look into what kind of support the guard can give you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:17 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My dad enlisted in the Army when my older sister was 9 months old. It is a decision that put an ENORMOUS negative effect on the relationship between not only him and my mom, but my sister and him as well. My mom begged him not to do it but, he was like your DH and felt he needed to. He ended up breaking his arm after 4 or 5 months and couldn't even complete the training etc. My mom and sister lived with my grandma and grandpa while he was gone and that was a HUGE stress as well. It ended up being a decision he and my mom regretted 100%. Please explain to him that this is not a decision that will necessarilybe good for him and his family. Especially if you feel it is not a good decision. He needs to listen to you. Ask him to weigh out the negatives and positives with you and take more time to think it over. At least stress the fact that he will be losing bonding time with his son and will NEVER have the chance again.

    hannahwill

    Answer by hannahwill at 12:29 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I have tried, and said everything possible, but he feels that this is the only way he will get to buy us a house, and get to go to school, and such, and I tell him its not. And I said what if your knee messes up again, and he said it would be worth it, cuz other than the day Ashton was born wearing his uniform was one of his proudest moments.
    ashtonjames

    Answer by ashtonjames at 12:33 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My husband is in the military, and he was going to get out when we found out I was pregnant. With the economy the way it is, we didn't feel prepared to get out, so he signed up for 2 more years, hes been gone for 2 months and a half already, and I'm staying with my mother in law. But we have a great relationship, so it isn't bad. Can't u have help from the Coast Guard? Usually they have child care development centers for a lot cheaper then the civilian. Let him know how u feel, and u guys reallly need to ponder, write on a piece of paper the pros and cons, maybe he will change his mind, because you can't force him to not go. Good luck for u guys!!! I hope u can work it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My husband is active duty military and we love it. Yes, it is certainly stressful at times and adjustments and sacrifices have to be made. There are lots of benefits to military life too. I don't know a lot about the guard because we are in a different branch. But, a lot of things are true military wide regardless of branch. Are you two planning on getting married? The only reason I ask is because a lot of military life, military benefits, etc, are A LOT easier if you guys are married. There are child care options and the pay is based on a sliding scale. They have family child care where your baby would be cared for by someone in their home, if you are uncomfortable with day care centers. There is lots of support for families too when spouses are gone for extended periods, so you don't have to do it alone. Also, while you may not be able to stay home now, with the military pay and benefits, you may find that changes.
    JMmama

    Answer by JMmama at 1:16 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Have him ask his recruiter of he can send money home while he is in basic. I don't know how it works with the national guard but in the marines in special curcumstances you could send some home.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:25 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Pay can be direct deposited into his checking account. If you have access to that, you can use some of his pay to survive.

    There isn't much else for you, but the baby should be eligible for medical through the military. (you're not married, you're not a dependent, you don't qualify for benefits)

    This is not a reason to GET married, but if you're planning on it, do so before he goes so you will be eligible as well. However, you guys have a lot to work through before marriage I think. The two of you have to come to a compromise or this whole thing could tear you apart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

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