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Just venting

Im now 30 weeks pregnant and getting more nervous than ever! Not about the babies though (?) Recently I caught my SO cheating on me, we decided to work through it went through couples counseling and that has seemed to help but Im still very angry with him ( I have every right to be) He asked me to marry him and I would love to but Im just really scared of getting a divorce and cheated on again I told him I wanted to wait and it hurt his feelings, those of you who decided to try and work things out with your cheating spouse how did you deal?

 
Breezy1988

Asked by Breezy1988 at 4:32 AM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • The biggest suggestion I can make for the two of you is counseling.  Figure out what it is that you and him both want from the relationship. Your scared right now because of what he did. He's trying to make it all be OK with marriage as his answer.  Which is probably something that you had been wanting, and now he's playing on that to make it all better. (I see it as a band-aid on a huge wound)  Please take it slow.  Love can outlast the biggest problems, but only if two are working on it.


    My dh and I have been married for 24 years. He made a very poor decision about two years ago. It took two rounds of marriage counseling and time. I still have trust issues, but with his help and our wanting to work it out, we are getting there. So it is possible to recover, but it takes both of you to make it happen.


    Hugs to you and baby.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • It is hard tosay, each men is different. My ex, he keeps doing it over and over after everytime I forgive him. In my case it just gets worse, the porn and talkig to women on line and phone starts too. Next thing I know it was all my fault to cause him to do that
    lily7

    Answer by lily7 at 6:48 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I agree that he likley thinks you wanted to get married before and now he's wanting to do it to "show you how much he loves you" but with an issue like cheating, it's very understandable why you'd want to make sure it's the right thing to do. If you're still having issues about the cheating, then no, you shouldn't get married till you believe that it's going to be forever, that it's only you that he wants for all of his needs.
    With you in particular, it was really a super bad time for him to cheat (not that there is a bad time but there are worse times) because you're pregnant and your hormones are playing a whole lot of tricks on your emotions (they do even without problems) so he's expecting a whole lot more than most people can give. He needs to ask himself if t he tables were turned, how easily could he forgive and forget.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:26 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My hubby hasn't cheated on me, but I can say that when a man cheats, he can't just make it better. He's in trouble, and his sweet smile isn't getting him out of it this time. He has to earn your trust, asking you to marry him really isn't the way to do that. So what if it hurt his feelings, at this point his hurt feelings don't matter. He has more work to do on this then you do. Do take it slow, you definatly have the right to be scared, and angry. The one thing I always hear about getting though this kind of thing is that it takes time, and work. I wish you luck, and don't make any decisions just to keep him from having hurt feelings. Do what's best for you, even if what you want isn't what's best.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 8:28 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Personally I think when you said you wanted to work things out that meant you would let the anger go. So no I don't think you have every right to still be angry. Either get over it or leave.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 9:22 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Men don't think it's CHEATING when they are not married to a woman. Maybe that's what he's trying to tell you, that he wants to settle down and commit to the relationship and give up all others.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:08 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I'm sorry but I don't agree that him cheating means he wants to get married. That's the craziest thing I've heard yet... today.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 10:17 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I am now 32 weeks pregante but when this happened we JUSt had found out we were having a boy..Since me and my ex were not married or anything like that but we were togethr for a verrry longg time. He does have a two year old childwith someone else and CONSTNATLY talks to her as if they are still togethr. IT HURTS one day he wentto take a shower and i looked thorugh i phone and there was naked pictured of her in ther and text meassages from him saying "if we were together what would you do to me babe" i called him out on it and he denied it and got all mad bec i went thou his phone.. After that we went to conseling and made things work for a while and HE DID IT again so i moved out and have been living on my own and he is back with her and there child and only talks to me when shes not around or inthe same room... It hurts be i do love him alot just dont trust him and i wish that things were differently he is now dening our son
    babycamcam09

    Answer by babycamcam09 at 11:11 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

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