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How do you stop your child from hanging out with a bad infulence.

One of my 16 year old daughter's friends has gotten involved in alcohol, which I'm assuming is stolen. The friend herself isn't a horrible person but I believe she is being influenced by others so I would like my daughter to stop hanging with her. She's not one of my daughters best friends and btw I do plan on telling this girls mother of what I've observed. Any one had any success in this area?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Consider all that you happened to find out about this girls' behaviour, but your daughter may also know kids who do worse, or may do worse. I don't think you gain if you tell her not to see her - she may wind up seeing worse kids!!!!

    I would express my concerns to your daughter and suggest she might want to stay away if she doesn't want to be tempted into some bad bahviour. Above all, I tell my kids they are 100% responsible for their choices - I don't care who they are with, and I don't care whose idea it was, etc. Even if it wasn't their idea, they make the choice to go along with it, or leave/refuse.

    As for telling the parents, good for you! I think in the teen years, parents shy away from telling what they 'observed'. If you do say what you observe, and don't judge the parents/child, I think you are doing them a great service. After that, they can do with the information what they want!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 1:06 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My only experience is from when I was a teen and my parents tried to forbid me from hanging out with certain people- I would NOT do that it only makes the person that much more fun to be around! If it were my son I would talk to him about it in a concerned for his friend way talk about choices and dangers of drinking and that he can call anytime he has made a bad choice. I would also talk to the friend before talking to the parents, but my sons friends know I will go to them if I see them doing something risky and "call them out" on it and if it is something that is potentially harmful to themselves or others I will talk to their parents.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:32 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I had this scenario a few months back. My daughter got hung up with the wrong group of people and she knew good and well that I would never let her go places with them outside of school, but while she was at school, I really had no control over it. We had many chats about how your friends influence your future, your behavior, your values. She knew that she didn't want to end up like the people she was hanging out with, but yet she thought it wouldn't effect her. Well, when she ended up engaging in behavior that she knew wasn't her and knew that she could get into big trouble for and jeopardize her future, she saw that they were only taking advantage of her. They didn't care about her at all. I think the wanting to belong somewhere feeling sometimes makes kids hang out with people that they have nothing in common with. I let my daughter work it out on her own at school. Her contact with them has minimized greatly. Im proud.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:49 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • If you forbid it, she will do it just for that fact. I know as a teen, when my mom forbid something, I did it just to tick her off. I would talk to your daughter about why she is friends with this person and if she thinks the person is a good influence, what they have in common, etc. With my 13 yr old son, I just point out what I don't like, what will happen if he does something inappropriate and if the friend is a true friend then I let him make the decision. I don't push him to stop the friendship, I let him THINK he made the choice. You can also be REALLY NICE to the friend you don't like, that may change your daughters mind because you "like" the friend.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:45 AM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • How did you find out about this? I agree that forbidding a friendship makes it more desirable to a teen. Would you be up to inviting the friend over and telling her what you found out? Maybe looking her in the eye and saying something like "I care about my daughter, and I can't take chances on her drinking. I'm sure your mom cares about you and doesn't want this for you either"
    whirlygirl

    Answer by whirlygirl at 11:34 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I like Whirlygirls answer! I remember times when a friends parents or other adults, gave me a postive message, showed an interest, reminded me my parents care - and it meant alot. It may not have an immediate impact, but when possible, I like that approach. But it has to be seen by her daughter as a caring approach, and not one that means the daughter won't have friends over or tell mom about such behavior.

    If the poster has any kind of relationship with this young lady, that is great advice, and a good place to start before deciding if she should tell parents, try to to dissaude her daughter from seeing her, etc. I posted a question about the 'village raising the child' cause i do believe that in the teen years, everyone closes their eyes to bad behavior - and sometimes a few concerned, caring words to a teen from someone other than their parents goes along way!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 3:58 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Have you heard the saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"?  Well, I think it applies here.  By forbidding your daughter to be friends with this girl you are only pushing her further into this girls arms.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:19 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I had a similar experience when my daughter came home about a week after she first started high school and told me that she made a new friend.  I was thrilled until I learned that her friend smoked pot and has been arrested for shoplifting.  So I talked to her again about drugs and shoplifting and their consequences and told her I wasn't happy about her friendship but I never tried to end it.  I told my daughter to come and talk to me if she were ever confronted with these issues, and she has.  To date she has not ventured into either of these arenas. 


    Our children will be confronted with issues like these for the rest of their lives.  They need to learn now how to deal with these issues and make responsible decisions.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:19 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • okay ima be honest with ya. i started drinking when i was about 13. people told muh parents so many times, but the more muh parents said something to me about it the more i'd do it. i turned 17 back in october, & believe me, teens like that most likely wont listen to their parents so telling them is only gonna make them yell at her and shes just gonna keep doing it. and as for your daughter, as much as you want to you cant stop her from hangin with the girl. teens are gonna do whatever they want even if their parents tell them not to, they will just go sneak around if you tell her to stop hangin with the girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Apr. 12, 2009