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What is the best way to discipline teenage stepkids?

I have been with a man for 2 years. I have known him for 10 and have known his 3 kids...they are now teenagers...1 girl from 1 mom i get no problems...the other 2..1boy and 1 girl..are always complaining.not listening when i ask things like can you make your bed please?...lie about things i say and do to their mom..tell their dad they hate me and my kids...are only to come every other weekend but aometimes are here every weekend for 2-3 months straight..i give up my free time when they are here and my kids are with their dad...how do i approach their typical but hurtful teenager behavior?!!!! any advice appreciated!!!

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missy62266

Asked by missy62266 at 12:27 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (15)
  • There is FINE line there.. IF you are not careful you can cross it.. Your husband needs to stand up to HIS kids and let them know that YOU have control.. IF he don't there is going to be a HUGE problem down the road.. His kids are playing on YOUR emotions and you & your hubby are allowing this to happen.. IMO, hubby needs to take the first step in letting them know who makes the rules.. Good luck!
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 12:36 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • That's a tough one. I don't have advice but hope it works out for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Have their father be the sole disciplinarian. He needs to step up to the plate and not allow the children to disrespect you.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Thats a tough situation to be in with stepkids,etc. Does their father have an issue with you disciplining them? Sounds like you and your man need to sit down and discuss this situation first,see what he's comfy with and take it from there. In my opinion,if kids dont do their chores or whatever they are asked,you take away things that mean the most to them: tvs,ipods,game systems,phones. Very effective. Honestly,confrontations and shouting gets you nowhere.
    guardmp_MOM

    Answer by guardmp_MOM at 12:41 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • well, to answer all, he tells them they need to listen to me, respect me, we have house rules all kids are to follow such as in rooms by 10pm..they have their own rooms when their here,making beds,pickin up after self,etc..the punishments are when your here you wil lose (ex) computer time, no rc cars, no riding bikes...etc.. when him or i discipline they will listen to punishment but will fight about it..either pout, say they hate me and thier father, and my favorite..they are never coming over again if they are going to be treated this way... he then feels guilty and the rules are not enforced quite so strong the next time they come..or maybe not at all if they really do "refuse" to come on a weekend...
    it is soo frustrating cause when they get to "run wild" they wanna come constantly..but when either of us try to enforce anything they have a fit then "refuse" to come the next scheduled time..
    missy62266

    Answer by missy62266 at 12:57 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Discipline is NOT your place with your step kids. It is your HUBBY who should enforce rules and behavior in our house. Putting yourself in the disciplinary position only damages the children and thus will damage your relationship with them. The Dad and Mom should be the only ones administering discipline at all. The step parents are silent partners who support what the parents decide to do. Your hubby needs to step up to the plate and insist that his kids obey the house rules and give them clear boundaries and punishments if they do not obey. Following through with that discipline is the Dad's responsibility as well. Teens resent, and they may be resenting you for overstepping their Mom's boundaries. Have your hubby be the force firm loving hand, making sure that the house rules are enforced and peace in your home. It relieves the pressure off of you as well!

    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 1:39 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • blessed5x:
    Now if only he would follow through...he enforces dicipline to my children at home,13,5,and 4. I have spoke with my kids and they accpet he is an adult that is to be respected in the home. I feel like I walk on eggshells every time his 2 kids are here because i try to keep my mouth shut and let him handle it but he leaves me alone with them while he works 12-16 hours a day on his weekends usually i have them alone all day sat.. he lives with my kids full time so he expects them to be respectful and follow rules. because his kids are here part time even though he does try to enforce the same he never wins...how can i step back when i am the driver,babysitter,cook,cleaner for them when they are here? he does none of those things. I want the pressure off more than anything..but i can't think of much else to do other than take my kids and leave myhome every weekend they come which is what they want and his ex tells me
    missy62266

    Answer by missy62266 at 3:01 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I would leave and I have done with when I was the alleged, wicked step mom..... Let dad see what it is like to deal with HIS kids and take the garbage you take. I would be willing to bet you won't have to leave too many times. Funny thing how things change when the dad has to be the dad and the enforcer. Yep, go shopping....HAVE A GREAT TIME and then watch the change....
    gammiej

    Answer by gammiej at 9:28 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • WOW. No way your husband should leave you alone with them 12-16 hours. This is supposed to be HIS time to spend with them. If he can't be there, they shouldn't be either. Tell him to work it out with his ex so they only come over when he's home. He may have to change the work schedule. If he still wants them to come and be alone with you, sit down and have a family meeting. Write down the rules and the consequences. And if they disrespect you, no second chances. Put the kid in the car and drive her back to mom's or to your husband's work. You don't deserve to be babysitting rude teenagers!
    whirlygirl

    Answer by whirlygirl at 11:30 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I would discipline them the way I disciplined my own children. Just because you're the step mom doesn't mean they don't have to respect you and your house rules. I disagree with those saying make the dad deal with it. Just because you're the step doesn't mean you shouldn't discipline them. It's your house and you should have the right to discipline them. If the dad wasn't want to stick by the rules either, then tell him the kids can't come back until they follow the house rules that your own children have to abide by.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 2:18 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

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