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What do you do when you and your husband are both insecure?

We fight over dumb things. He runs away from conflict because he doesn't think he is man enough to be with me and work things out. And he will say this over something so small like me asking him to not ignore me. I am insecure because I think he doesn't want me. If he always runs for the door when there is a conflict then I must be not enough for him to look passed running to try. We get along perfectly as long as there isn't a conflict. UGH????

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Saying you get along perfect without conflict means you don't get along very much. Conflict in a relationship is actually healthy. Through conflict you learn how to deal with certain issues and work together towards a common goal. Him running away doesn't work and won't work in the end. Seek a therapist to help you two learn your communication styles and how to work through conflict. Look for the book "Hold me tight" seven conversations for a lifetime of love by Dr. Sue Johnson.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 5:33 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Counseling

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • wow, this is deep but let's consider this. If he is your husband then he had to want you if he asked you to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. So perhaps it's a given that he wants you in his mind. Read the book Men are from Mars and Women from Venus and I bet that will help. He also sounds passive aggressive so check into dealing with men like that and just relax and enjoy each other. You two wouldn't be together if you didn't want each other. Just chill before you both push the other away.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:04 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I don't know about your husband, but my husband told me right from the start that he was not going to argue with me. When I get mad I used to rant and rave and carry on and it ticked me off that he woudln't argue back (he'd go outside and mow, or do something or just tell me that he wasnt' going to argue, to just drop it, and not yell at him).
    Yelling doesn't work... change your tactic. Calmly tell him what the problem is, in a tone that's not accusing or mean. Some people just don't like argueing. My hubby grew up in a house with a lot of argueing and he swears he's never going to live like that again.
    We've been together for almost 16 years married and we do not argue. I get mad and sometimes yell, but I've found the easier way to get my point across is to wait and talk calmly and explain why I feel the way I do and he'll listen to me.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:08 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

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