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Should Abusive Men See Their Children???

I have a 4-year-old daughter with a very abusive ex-boyfriend and his parents have recently moved back into NH and have been asking and badgering me when their son can see thier daughter....The thing is that we have a custody agreement that states that my daughters father is allowed to see her at my discretion and he has never paid his child support that is now over $13,000 and says that he owes me nothing and also when we were dating he was abusive in everyway...So I am just wondering am I doing the right thing by telling him no that he can't see her or am I just going off on my fears that something might happen when he has our daughter????

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StefNBecca

Asked by StefNBecca at 7:25 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Nope, you are in the right. If he can't support his child, he doesn't deserve to see her. Now, courts won't agree with that because they see visitation and support as two different issues but if has visitation at your discretion then do what you feel is best.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 7:28 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • i would give him a chance. just so that way you know he had that chance. but there would be a stipulation that you or someone you know and trust is there with him. i wouldn't allow her to be alone with him. and as for the child support problem, i would take him to court for it.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 7:28 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • well he sounds like a real jerk, and chances are if he abused you he may abuse your daughter too. i wouldn't chance it. but if you think he has changed or want to give your daughter an opportunity to see him maybe a supervised visit? good luck.
    jak89

    Answer by jak89 at 7:30 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • try supervised visitations start out like 30 to 45 mins and then to 1 hour...but make him pay in ks he can go to jail for not paying child support
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Ick, he doesnt deserve to see her. You're right. You're protecting your child,a dn it is whats best for her to be away from him.
    LucasMama08

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 7:52 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • If he feels like he owes you and her "nothing" than I don't see why he should be allowed to see her. I think that if a man isn't paying his child support, which is part of the agreement made in the courts, than why should you allow him to see his child? If he feels like he doesn't need to support her or follow the rules than you shouldn't feel guilty for not allowing visitation. Also if he is an abusive person that means he has anger issues and other mental issues and cannot control his actions when he becomes angry. So there is no telling what he would do if your daughter started acting up and got him really upset or angry. If he has beat you there's nothing holding him back from beating anyone else when he gets mad. I'd say screw him. Until he wants to step up and be a REAL father and suppot his daughter, then just let him go on being just another dead beat dad that can't see kid.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 8:37 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • trust your instincts, if you don't feel right about it, don't chance it. nothing bad can happen if you don't give it a chance to.
    pattisayshello

    Answer by pattisayshello at 9:36 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My father was abusive to my mother and she took me away from him when I was 2 1/2. I didn't see him again until I could make my own choice to at the age of 18. I did decide to meet him with the support of my mother but to be honest he was as much of a deadbeat then as he was when I was little. Unless your ex has made some major life changes...like anger management, counseling, parenting classes, paying child support...then he probably doesn't care that much about your daughter. Being a sperm donor doesn't make him a dad.
    fpraglowski

    Answer by fpraglowski at 9:30 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I'm in the same boat except I haven't heard from him or his family in over two years.... IF they contact me now, I have no intentions of letting my son go woth them. He and they were abusive then and as far as I know would still be sbusive now. I can't subject my son to people that will harm him.....
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 12:26 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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