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How do I explain to my DD that she can't walk to grandma's house?

My daughter is almost 10 and she has processing delays which make her seem alot younger. My parents live several blocks away and technically we live in a small town. She insists its because I don't trust her, and while that's part of it. The bigger issue is that I don't trust everyone else! I tried to explain it to her that it was about her being safe, but as I said she doesn't understand like a typical 10 year old would.

 
Lesli

Asked by Lesli at 8:44 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (75 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • See if there are safety classes offered through your local school district, hospitol, etc. My kids took one and they are great. There are also book/dvd's on safety that will help explain safety issues in a way that is easy to understand for her age.  Click on the "Safety/Strangers" link her http://www.cjkidz.com/parentsgrandparentsteachers.html    Sometimes something "Clicks" to a kid when they hear it from someplace other than MOM!

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 2:17 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Ah this is so sad. Isn't it just horrible that kids just can't walk down the block anymore! UGHHH it makes me so mad. Anyways I think you are saying the right thing. Just keep telling her that even though you live in a small town, that bad things can still happen and that there are bad people out there. Tell her you love her so much and don't want anything to happen to her and as much as you would love to let her walk to grandmas, it just isn't safe. There really isn't anything else you can say but that! Good luck!
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 8:47 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • It is sad, children are not safe to even walk a couple blocks. I hear about human trafficking, and would make me nervous to let my kids walk even a couple blocks to Grandma's house.
    IRA871

    Answer by IRA871 at 9:02 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Put the focus physically on her calling her grandparents several times a day to tell them whatever instead of walking to their house. Once she knows and is reminded plus encouraged by you, get grandparents' help too, that telephone calls can happen way more often than visits then she'll be much happier I bet. She can leave them messages if they have an answering machine and maybe get call backs. Do her grandparents have your viewpoint too? If so then that's extra good. If not then sit with them and have some articles with you of some bad news. I have to tell my daughter all of the time and remind explain to her the evils of the world. IT'S REALLY NOT (sorry for caps but I can't always capitalize I never know when it'll work) IT'S REALLY NOT about development issues - it's age and society. Preteens without delays wear makeup like they're on the street corner. I tell mine the law, teachers, drs, let me make decisions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Yes, her grandparents do agree with me, however they also have a new dog. We have a dog at our house too, but this is a new dog. LOL My mother works, so she's not always available for phone calls, and my dad's home, but he's not a phone person. Its kind of like "Dad, is mom, home? Nope" and then he'll hang up, you may or may not receive a good bye. The other factor here is that they live right beside the school campus in an apartment complex. So DS who is almost 14 routinely stops by after school (but DD doesn't know how often that is). DD can't do that all the time, because my mother works alot of afternoons and dad drives her to work and so when she gets out of school they aren't home.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 9:11 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • It's a shame that our own children can't enjoy the freedom that most of us enjoyed while growing up. I remember walking several blocks to my grandma's house and my parents didn't think twice about it. Just explain to her that we're not safe in our own neighborhoods anymore. There's mean, ugly people in this world who like to hurt children and for that reason she's can't go alone. Sometimes we just have to blunt to our children so they can understand.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 2:49 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Maybe I'm way off, but while stuff does happen (and always did - we just know more about it these days), won't she be able to walk there some day, in a few years??

    Would it not be possible to accompany her in walking there so she gets practice, eventually let her lead the way (you can pretend you want to turn, etc. to see if she can get it down), maybe then follow her at a safe distant, so that someday she can walk over there alone? And you can at least make sure grandparents know she is coming and when she leaves, and calls you when she gets there. Maybe you can find friends along the way where it would be safe to go if she has a problem, or let her take a walkie talkie or cell phone.

    While 10 is young in general - kids may not know how to manage a problem along the way - you may also have to weigh the very minimal risk of such a walk with that of the major benefits of going over to her grandparents.
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 3:45 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • well I always told mine not to go walking by theirselves but one day while visiting her dad she did and was drugged and raped in a little wooded area right in front of his house. She was left for dead. It was by the grace of God Almighty that she woke up and found her way back to his house. It can happen anywhere anytime of the day and by anyone. The boy was never caught because she didnt tell me until about a month later but she had three lie detector tests by the PI and passed with flying colors. They took something from her that she can never get back and my advice for anyone reading this is never let a child no matter the age walk alone not even around the block my daughter was 15 at the time and she still has nightmares and thinks someone is watching her. Stand your ground momma dont take chances just because she dont think you trust her. There are perverts everywhere and its not worth the risk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Tell your daughter I just had a 13yo girl killed in a field near my house. Less then a block from her house. It isn't about trusting her to do what is right, but it is whether she is capable of making life or death decisions in a blink of an eye and that you don't trust strangers and how they would treat her.
    JUST SAY NO. Her feelings will just have to be bruised. But, she will be protected. That is really what matters.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 4:58 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • My children have no delayed and they still aren't allowed to walk to grandma's and we live in a small town. Just say, "No. You cannot walk to grandma's. If you would like to go, we will call her and I will take you."
    paralegal09

    Answer by paralegal09 at 7:52 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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