Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should i stop his visitation rights?

Heres the deal, I had a child with a man i was neither married to nor loved. It was a total accident but a joyful one at least. When i was about three months along i left him because i found out he was still married. Now that cheyenne is here hes done nothing but aggrivate me. I let my mother keep my daughter for a few days while i got a few things sorted out and told her father that she would be there and was welcome to go see her or keep her for a night. He didn't even call to check up on her and his excuse was that he didn't want to bother my mother. Now this is his third weekend with her and easter is my birthday. I asked him to keep her for one extra night but he said he dosen't want to. It seems to me like he doesn't care about her at all...he didn't even care that i switched are weekends and he didn't see her for 3 weeks. He's also fighting me left and right about how to care for our daughter what should i do?

Answer Question

Asked by mamatobe1989 at 9:21 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 5 (72 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well you can't just stop visitation. You need to go to family court and set it up. You do not need a lawyer.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Do you have a custody order by a court? if you do then get him for breaking it and if not then let him make the move and if he does nothing then go to the court and get an order for child support and a set visitation schedule so if he does break it you can contact your lawyer and let them know so its documented so if you get married or are married now and your husband/ future husband might want to adopt the child you have proof of the other mans absence in her life. If its not ordered then you do not have to contact him to see his child or get her, that is his job to call. Good luck.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:25 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • You can't really stop his visitation rights. If he has no motivation to see her, take him to court and figure things out that way.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 9:25 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • why is everyone so ready to cut a father relationship off??? YOU have no right to stop the mans visitation. You can take it to the judge if you aren't happy with it. But there is such a thing as parental alienation syndrome. And if any judge finds out you are deliberately stopping them from having a relationship with each other- you are in a lot of trouble. It is bad enough men have to fight to see their children so bad and so many women on this site get their feelings hurt and want to try and cut off all visitation... it makes me sick

    Answer by ZaTa at 9:28 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Honestly it sounds to me like you are just mad because he doesnt want to keep her so you can have fun on your b-day, so you want to just cut him off completely, now if thats the case then I think that you're just wrong and need to realize that when you become a mom you dont get to go out and just do whatever you want to. Either way I think yu still need to go to court and have them set up a visitation order and custody order, that way he cant say no or avoid her and you cant say no either

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • its not about it being my birthday or anything its about the fact that half the time he really doesn't want her at all. And last time he had her he put a new type of diper on her after i specifically told him that it could give her a diaper rash and when i got her back she had one so bad it was bleeding! Then he argued with me after i asked him not to use them agian that the diapers were "the best of the best" and couldn't have caused them. When i tried to tell him that her skin was sensative and that a sudden change in anything could break her out he called me a liar. i'm just tired of him acting like he knows everything and yet not really wanting to help take care of his daughter.

    Answer by mamatobe1989 at 10:09 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • okay.. she's only two months old..according to your profile. Unless you have a court order saying he HAS to have visitation - then you are under no obligation to give him visitations.
    He may have been uncomfortable contating your mother to see his daughter. Men are not natural born care givers.. don't treat him as such. Let him contact you when he wants to visit. Seriously.. don't force her on him... it will only make it worse. If he comes to see her.. great for them.. if not.. you will survive. Men are more apt to know how to deal with babies a little older.. he thinks because he bought the best of the best diapers.. it should be the BEST. He needs to understand the baby and she is only 2 months old. give it time.. and LOTS of patience. Don't demand too much.. I wouldn't STOP visitation, but might ask that his visitations be monitored until she is older, and he has more time to get to know her.

    Answer by 4xmommy2008 at 10:33 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • The guy sounds like he's a total D-bag but at the same time he's still her father and nothing you can do will change that. Have you tried to just talk to him about it? The first thing that you both need to remember is that THIS IS NOT ABOUT EITHER ONE OF YOU. IT IS ABOUT YOUR BABY. (not yelling, just thought that I needed to stress that). I grew up without my father and it really hurt and still hurts and if I had found out that my mother was doing something, anything, to keep him away, it would be another knife in my back. Do what you can with what you've got. My dad took off and I never saw him again. Be thankful you at least know where he is. I'm assumig you are getting child support as well. If this guy isn't grown up enough to deal with fatherhood, having the courts strip that of him won't exactly entice him to be a better man. Please think of the future.

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 11:05 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • well then if it has nothing to do with your b-day, and you are truely concerned with just how he is with her, then let me put it this way, in all honesty it sounds like this is a child he didnt really want, for whatever reason it may be, is he still married? does he have other children? Really YOU are her mom, and have ever right to tell him what is and isnt okay with her, what sort of relationship do you have with him? Are you guys able to communicate openly about things? If so then you need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what you told us here, that he either needs to be there 100% or not at all, because IMO even if you are not there 24/7 the fact that you are a parent is, and part time parents arent much different then not having one at all KWIM, I am sure its hard for you because you are probably very young, and he sounds older but as long as you have some support youll be fine

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • he wanted this child as far as I know but sometimes I wonder if he just wanted her as a way to keep me with him. We get along ok, but we live almost 3 hours away from one another. He was upset when I moved away from him to go to school and still blames me but he gets mad becouse i left and not because i took the baby with me. It's not that I don't WANT him to see her, I didn't have the best dad in the world but i'm glad i had one and I want my daughter to have her father. I just not like the way she comes back with rashs or colds. I have tried to talk to him about things but he just acts like he knows more than I do about kids. He's 30 and im 20. Yet when she was first born it was his first time ever changing a poppy diper and wasn't happy when she went potty while I was outside the room and he had to change it. I think I just might have him do monitered visits.

    Answer by mamatobe1989 at 2:03 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.