Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

questions about step children

why is it that when there is a problem with a stepchild, everyone seems to think that you should talk to the bio mom or dad? When you married your SO, you knew that they had kids, and therefore you should treat them as your own. Blood shouldnt matter. Im not saying that you should take over as their bio parent, im just saying you should love, punish, talk, and treat them as if you were their bio parent.

Answer Question

Asked by HelloKitty86 at 11:33 PM on Apr. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Some bio parents would not allow that at all. In my case, i was not allowed to say anything to my stepkids, or correct them in any way or punish them or treat them as my own, because i was always reminded constantly both by the bio mom and my husband that they were NOT my children... It backfired on them, because my husband's fatherly relationship with the stepkids decreased over the years, and now they have nothing to do with him. And no way was my husband's ex going to even give her children a chance to know me and get along with me, she was far too jealous of that. She made sure her kids did not like and accept me by turning them against their dad and me. I guess that made her feel like the bigger person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • My husband is the step-dad to my 17 year old. He's raised him since my son was 2 1/2 and my husband and I never feel the need to discuss anything with my son's bio-dad. My husband treats my son just like he does his own 2. The bio dad has NO problems at all with my husband making the decisions. He knows my husband will never mistreat him and knows he is a good dad to him. Of course we always include the bio dad but it's not like we feel we have to pick up the phone and call him everytime my 17 year old does something wrong. And you're right- blood shouldn't matter! My husband has been more of a "dad" than the bio dad. Yes, bio dad has always been in the picture but my husband raises him, puts food on his table and clothes on his back- therefore we don't feel we need to explain everything to bio dad.


    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:45 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • As much as i would like to agree with you, becuase i am a SM and i actually do do all the raising. (DH is military and biomom is a deadbeat). But the law disagrees with you.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 11:46 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • Oh and I wanted to say- we all actually get along and have a great relationship! That's important in step families. Everyone needs to be on the same level and NOT let the children play eachother against eachother. The parents and ste parents have to work together!

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:49 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • i like these answers, but i have seen on some questions when the mom asks "what should i do with my stepson/stepdaughter..." and ppl always say "ask the bio mom/dad" it bothers me because my husband has raised my son since he was 3 months old, and his bio dad has no say in what we do with my son. DH has been more of a dad than my ex, and my son even calls him Da.

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 11:49 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • But the law disagrees with you.

    Was this asked to me?


    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 11:52 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • i have no idea who she was saying that comment to...

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 11:57 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • I don't either but she needs to read up on the law. My husband receives disablity and my son (who is NOT his) receives a check just like my other 2 boys do. I made sure disability KNEW my son wasn't legally his because I sure didn't wanna get in trouble. The worker said since he lives in the home with my husband and my husband provides more than 75% of his care that yes, my husband IS legally responsible for him.
    The same thing happened with my brother's step daughter. He raised her for 14 years before he passed away. My niece receives death benefits from my brother- who was NOT her bio dad nor did he ever adopt her. Just because these people are step parents does NOT mean they're not responsible for them.

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 12:04 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • The bio mom hates us, so everything has to go through her anyway. They don't live with us. I'm not allowed to treat them as my own, as bio mom is too busy trying to keep dad away from them by making up lies. In some cases, the bio mom wants nothing to do with anyone and thinks only she is the best parent.
    I would love it if we could all work together, but she's bent on ruining her kids lives.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • i completely 100% DISAGREE with you!!

    Answer by alexis_06 at 4:38 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.