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How long would you stay in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I have been with my husband since the summer of 2003. In that time we have broken up and gotten back together several times due to drama or other people's interference. In 2007 we had our daughter, and later that year we got married. He didn't have to marry me, but he said he wanted to cause he loved me. But over the years he has been very emotionally abusive; here lately he has taken to threatening me with bodily harm in addition to his old favorites of attacking my weight, my intellect, my family, etc. He has never been physically abusive, and 90% of the time he is not an abusive asshole, rather a romantic guy. He works hard at his job, loves his little girl, and provides for us. I don't have any family in this area where we just bought a house, but I know there are place to go if I needed to. I am torn between the man I love and the man he becomes sometimes...


Asked by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Apr. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I wouldn't stay with him. Verbal/emotional abuse does lead to physical abuse.
    You said he's already threatened you with physical harm. Get out while you still have some self-esteem and before it gets worse. I've seen a lot of women who make excuses for their abusive husbands- they work too much, they're stressed, etc. It's NOT an excuse!
    If he attacks your weight, your intellect- that's a start to abuse and you don't need it. He's bringing you down, he's bringing your self esteem down. That's what abusive men do to keep you around. They make you feel like you're not worthy to be loved. They want you to feel like you have no choice but to stay. I wish you all the luck and I pray things work out for you. You deserve the best!

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 1:31 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Its not right but maybe he is just tired and you are his verball punching bag .
    Walk away and tell him you will talk to him once better .You shouldnt tolerate and mental abuse from noone especially if your the mother of his child Fthat .And tell him how you feel and why he does it hope fully he will come to his senses and think before arguying next time

    Answer by hush84 at 1:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • that sucks, have you talked to him about it, told him how much he hurts you, maybe counseling would be a good idea. if that doesn't help then i would leave. no one deserves to be treated like that you should be able t live a happy life and not worry about stuff like that especially from your husband, who is supposed to love, honor, and cherish you. good luck

    Answer by jak89 at 1:13 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I'm sorry, I don't have advice for you... but you're not alone. I feel like I could have asked this question. Wishing you luck...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • is it anything like this?

    if so... you might need to talk to him about it.. when he's happy.

    i only ask because you said he's not like that 90% of the time... just thought id offer an alternate solution.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I know you said he is nice to you 90% of the time, but that is the way an abuser keeps his victim where they are. They treat you like crap then apologize like crazy to make sure you stay. I would get out before he hurts you or your daughter. If you think it is a mental disorder, tell him you will come back when/if he gets help for it. If not, leave and don't look back. Loook at it this way, do you want your daughter to see him treat you this way and think that is the way things are supposed to go and end up in a relationship like yours?

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 2:28 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • There is a good book called The Emotionally Abused Woman. You might try reading that and leave it out for him to see. My dad was controlling and emotionally abusive. When I was waiting to hear if I had cancer years ago he started his crap and I went off on him (I normally never spoke back to him). He was shocked. He said he didn't realize he was being abusive and he stopped being a dick to me. Maybe dh needs to realize what he's doing and if he doesn't stop you will leave. Let it be his choice.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • If he does it to you, he'll do it to your daughter. Do you really want your daughter growing up hating herself? Thinking she's stupid, fat, ugly and inferior? What's worse is she'll hate your for staying and allowing it. The worst is that if you stay...she will grow up to find a man that emotionally abuses her and her future children also. Stop the cycle of abuse by either getting therapy or getting out.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:44 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I stayed for 5 years before the abuse gave me a mental breakdown....I tried to kill myself and ended up in a psych ward...he didnt care and i left him shortly after

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • My ex boyfriend was like this. He wasn't abusive all the time, mainly when he was coming off of drugs. I stayed with him a year, then broke up with him because I got pregnant and he just continued to put me through that and I decided I would never let my son see me cry like that.

    Talk to him about it. Maybe there's somthing wrong with him that he can't express any other way. Counceling maybe? Explain to him that it could tear your marriage apart. But if it comes to it, don't let your daughter see that.

    Answer by sarapurser at 12:17 PM on Apr. 12, 2009