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It just dawned on me that I might be in danger

One other mommies question made me remember something. I will tell you my story first then ask my question.

When I was about four or five my brother would molest me..he would force my other brother in on it sometimes too. My brother who intiated it all and kept it going for years is six years older then me so when I was four he was ten....then like i said it went on for like four years. Well recently I told everyone in the family about this because I finally had the strength to face it. Well long story short, everyone said he was "experimenting" and i was over reacting. Well...my brother is very VIOLENT very very..ant stress it enough. He lost his emt firefighter job because he assaulted someone. HE is coming back from Iraq and I am worried now that my father "had a talk with him" that he might try to hurt me because i let the secret out. What should I do? This is hard for me so thanks for the understanding ladies!

Answer Question
 
Bugsmommy1908

Asked by Bugsmommy1908 at 5:58 AM on Apr. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Well he's obviously gonna be pissed... if he comes over and you're alone I wouldn't open the door and let him in... I'd call your dad and ask him what to do, let him know you're afraid.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 6:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • yeah, call your dad cause your family was so helpful to begin with. uh, no. if your brother comes over, call the cops.
    gabenmikeysmom

    Answer by gabenmikeysmom at 6:27 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I agree, call the cops! It doesn't sound like your family takes this very seriously.
    emf6874

    Answer by emf6874 at 7:06 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I think if he comes over he's not going to hurt you, he's going to gloat that no one believed you. Did your Dad seriously have a talk with him about it while he was in Iraq? If your Dad didn't believe your story, then that would be kinda mean to tell someone that they were being accused all these years later of molesting someone (btw, what'd your other brother say about this, does he remember?) while they were at war.
    I'm not making your situation any less serious than it is, molestation happens in more families than would ever admit it. When I was a child they didn't know what to do about that (the kids, not adults), it brought family shame etc... I'm sorry but your family needs to realize that experimenting doesn't involve penetration, it doesn't involved forcing someone to do something and people who have been molested are more likely to molest so chances are someone did that to your brother too (likely in the family)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:57 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Secrets are their best friends. Once they find out others didn't react the way you wanted them to he'll be ok outwardly. He won't do anything blatantly to prove you are right. However, I'd not be alone with him. I'd also call a domestic violence shelter and talk with a counselor there to see if they have advice for you. I'm not an expert but have worried about a similiar situation after I exposed someone. So far, he's stayed far away from me but I have to see him next year for a reunion. I'm hoping he won't go but I know he will. You let the cat out of the bag but I think you will be ok if you don't antagonize him. Maybe he'll get deployed again and you'll be safe once again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:53 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I wonder if you could somehow go on official record about this. Talk to the police and have a record made of what happened. So that if something else does happen, you'd already be on record as having reported it.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:37 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • you can borrow my german shepherd...anyway i would call the police and make them aware of the situation...i think he will do something especially if he was over in iraq with a loaded gun.has he had any anger management classes.ya i would keep an eye on him.he seems like a loaded pistol waiting to go off. maybe going to iraq wasnt the best idea...
    raineydays377

    Answer by raineydays377 at 9:55 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I'm so sorry you endured all that. Make sure that you are never alone with him under any circumstances. If he asks to come over it's not a good time you're scrubbing walls, floors polishing whatever. Gather in a public place never alone. And I'd keep someone with you going to see him who supports you form the getgo. Coming back from war he's could be stressed from that added to readjusting added to hear what you've said. What's the relationship between the brother who was joined the abuse with the brother who iniiated it? I think both brothers should be watched out for. Maybe get counseling for yourself before soon the miitary brother is home. Respect yourself like you are and protect yourself your kids are foremost if importance 24/7. A relative and friends verbally abused me when I was a kid for years iiterally. My parents denied it. But I know what happened. That person and my parents aren't allowed alone w/my kid
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Your family is reacting in a very disturbing, yet normal way. My mom stole prescription pills from my house. I confronted her, and now I am the bad guy. It is totally awkward all the time now... I wish you the best of luck...

    Also, I agree with PP, you should talk to the police. Though, usually the person has to threaten your life for them to do anything... At least it will be on record.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 9:58 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • You should be able to get a restraining order. Tell them you fear for your life because you told your family about this situation. They will most likely give it to you and then it is on record and all that jazz.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 10:18 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

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