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My baby is not allowed to play toys by other kids, is it a bad environment for my baby?

I send my 15 mons baby girl to a lady's house who has 2 children of her own (3 and 4 yr old) - so 3 children in the house only. She is not licensed but is a friend of a friend and she seems to be very good to my baby (to keep her safe and feed her well).

Problem: Every time when I go to the home (during pick up, drop off, or surprise visit), the lady's kids (the 3 and 4 year olds) always take things away from my baby's hands whenever she picks up something from the house - books, magazines, remote controls, even toys. The lady's kids are very territorial about things in the house, the lady would talk to her kids gently but she doesn't enforce a rule for every one to follow. I suggested to the lady to set up an area for play but she didn't do it. My concern-is it bad for my baby to be at a place where she doesn't know what is allowed to touch, and when she picks up something it will be taken away by other kids every day?

 
PeanutJordanMom

Asked by PeanutJordanMom at 8:21 AM on Apr. 12, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (21)
  • It seems to me that people are getting stuck on what is appropriate/inappropriate for your child to touch, but it seemed to me that your question was really more about how comfortable you feel about leaving your child there. It doesn't sound like you are totally comfortable with this mom's methods, yet you seem to be hesitant to just remove your daughter because this woman seems to take care of her otherwise. I agree that the situation isn't necessarily all bad, but if something isn't done about the possessiveness it could get more stressful for your daughter the longer she is in the situation. Maybe you should talk to the mom and explain to her exactly what your concerns are. Discuss several possible solutions with her. If she honestly cares about your daughter, she will be willing to try to solve the problem, but if she refuses to do anything about it, it might be time to find another situation for your daughter.
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 11:39 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • The woman that takes care of your kid shouldnt be letting this happen. You should say something to her about it.
    asholan_07

    Answer by asholan_07 at 8:25 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I think it is both good and bad and here is why. Good because she will learn what is hers and what to respect that isnt hers..bad because this is her daycare and she is being put down by not being allowed to play with anything. I like your suggestion I would follow through with it with the lady very much so. If not making a play area inforce the rules! Try sending some of her toys with her, that are HER toys only....my son is 15months...and my nephew whom is 3 loves to snatch cause they are his toys...it doesnt hurt my son's feelings..he jsut goes onto something else of his instead. GL
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 8:27 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I agree to send some of your toddler's toys with her so she has some of her own toys.

    Some of the things you listed aren't appropriate for your toddler to have anyway (remote, some books, magazines, etc) and if the toys aren't appropriate for a young toddler, she shouldn't have them either!

    She will learn what can't be touched because when she touches something she shouldn't, they are taking it away. How else would you have her be taught? Tell the babysitter how you would like it handled. If she doesn't follow through, find somewhere else for your toddler.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 9:20 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • If you can increase the number of surprise visits. I think she should be verbalizing stronger meaning more firmly less gently, still not screaming and yellling herself, the rules of commonsense. if her kids can't share easily then those toys should be kept away and out of bounds by locked door or cabinet form your baby. Just wondering how old is your baby? Kids take kids toys until early elementary school when playing - disputes go on. My rule is to my kids if it can't be shared then duirng friends' time in our home it can't be used in public play. Good for you for surprise visits. Ask her also if she can set up an area for your baby's toys for her alone and another place for your baby to share her toys and separate too the host kids' toys. Remember the older kids get, even the host kids, the more screws and buttons etc. toys have. Designated playpens for designated toys are great. Kids will always take toys.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • My baby is 15 months old, I understand that she needs to learn what's off-limit and what's allowed to play, and that's exactly my point in that, right now, there is no boundary set and everything just lay out in the "public" living room. One of my surprised visit they were playing in the basement where most toys are located, her 4-yr-old son were barking commands (in such tone) and not let the baby touch most of the toys, which again, were just spreading out on the floor. The lady told her son to share, but that's the end of her intervention. She will probably run into similar situations growing up, but I am not sure if it is healthy for her to be in this situation EVERY DAY. I mostly concern about my baby's mental and social development going forward.
    PeanutJordanMom

    Answer by PeanutJordanMom at 10:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Thank you for all your advices! I will speak with the lady again regarding setting up a play area for my baby, or putting things that my baby shouldn't touch out of the public area, or both. Bringing some of her own toys is also a great idea.

    If other kids come to my house, I would assume that the kids will touch every thing if I don't put it away, I mean common sense stuff. Even with my own baby, if there are certain things that I absolutely don't want her to touch, I put it away. Why leave it out there when you know you don't want her to touch, only to have to stop her and take it away from her repeatedly?

    Again, I am a first time mom and my only concern is my baby's social development, whether it is good/bad for her to be in an environment where she doesn't know what the boundary is and toys get yanked out from her hands on a daily basis.
    PeanutJordanMom

    Answer by PeanutJordanMom at 10:24 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • She doesn't enforce rules consistently? And she's not a licensed provider?

    Find someplace else. If not a family member, then find a licensed provider.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:33 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • I would be more concerned about her physical safety. It doesn't sound good to me.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:35 AM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • If you're concerned about your toddler's social development, then I would suggest finding a daycare where she will be with other kids her own age rather than older children.

    She's not licensed, she's a babysitter. Your toddler is spending time with older kids which that alone can hurt or help her development. That depends on the individual toddler.

    She is in an environment where you aren't comfortable, she's not enforcing rules you wish to be in place, she won't put things you feel are inappropriate away the way you wish...I think you've answered your own questions.

    If it's possible, I think you should put your toddler in another daycare.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 10:50 AM on Apr. 12, 2009