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How can I get my husband to put my infant to sleep with out her freaking out?

She goes to sleep for me fine but I have started a night job and she freaks out as soon as she sees her crib. My husband tried everything he knows to calm her but then she can't catch her breath from crying so hard. I will not allow the crying out method so please do not recommend that.

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Asked by carosyrup at 9:28 PM on Apr. 12, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (8)
  • I would set a really consistent routine that both of you can follow. How old is she? Are you breastfeeding? Routine is key, so that she knows exactly what's coming next. If you both do everything in the same order, it should work. Ideally not putting her to sleep with the bottle/nursing... What we do is bath (whether she needs it or not; she LOVES her bath and and again, consistency is key), jammies, milk (I nurse, my husband gives a bottle) -- we do this part with the lights on. Even if she falls asleep (unless she's way past her bedtime and not going to be roused), we rouse her, read a book or two, then turn off the lights. Then we sing her one or 2 songs holding her near her crib and put her down, awake but drowsy, happy and calm. Sometimes she goes right out, sometimes she talks for up to 10 minutes... but she doesn't cry it out. We started this around 6 months and it works for my husband too.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 9:35 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • When you're not working maybe you can do bedtime together to get her used to him doing it. I spend most of the time with my they don't really respond to my hubby either. I'm sorry I don't really know of any tricks to recommend...just having him keep his patience is the key...if he gets stressed or upset it could make the baby more upset too. Good luck!

    Answer by fpraglowski at 9:35 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • um well, if you're not gonna do the CIO method, then i guess you'd better quit your job cuz if your dh can't calm her down then looks like it's the CIO method to me, cuz she's crying either way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Great logic, anon! No, it isn't necessary to cry. I mean, your baby may cry for a minute or two but screaming herself to sleep is not necessary in this scenario. The key is that you don't do anything for her that your husband can't also do, because that's what baby will miss when you're gone. So nursing her straight to sleep, no good. But any other tricks your husband should be able to do, too.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 9:48 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Pick up a copy of "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and have Dad read it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:00 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Thanks... She is 4 months and I have been the sole caregiver to her since she has been born. I have been bottle feeding for the last month bc my supply went down due to me taking meds that upset her tummy.

    He showed me what happened tonight and it really pulled at my heart strings. She was inconsolable until I calmed her. I really feel bad for my hubby bc he is trying. He has tried everything that I have told him to try.

    It is even harder bc when I started this job I just found out that she had a double ear infection and then I noticed today that she will be cutting a tooth. Right before all this I could lay her down awake & she would just fall a sleep. Then since her ear infection it has been harder for me to even get her to go to bed. With my husband it has just been awful. I will try and think of ways that I get her to sleep, myself &write them down & have my husband watch me or coach him some more when I am home.

    Answer by carosyrup at 10:01 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Do you have the "No Cry Sleep Solution" DVD? I've heard from parents that they got more out of the DVD than the book.

    When I had to temporarily go back to work with my first, my dh would put ds to sleep in the football hold.

    Answer by happytexasCM at 11:50 PM on Apr. 12, 2009

  • Even though I am a firm believer in crying it out, she is still too little. Poor thing......she has been in a lot of pain with the ears and the teeth ~ and right when you have to be gone. That just sucks!
    I am sure that it will get easier when she feels better!

    Answer by christyg at 11:28 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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