Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

help....I dont know who to believe?

Ok so my Easter was busy, and it was fun...until my twin called around 6 to tell me that a girl ran into her and said she was a cousin of my friend's. my friend was also in foster care with me. we met at my adopted parents. she said that my (adopted) dad raped her...what do i do? do i ask my parents if this girl was ever in their care, let alone whether anything bad happened? do i tell my friend that her cousin said this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Apr. 12, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (12)
  • Well first figure out whether there was ever even an oppurtunity that your father could have done this. If your dad was never around the girl then she is lying.
    Ilovemydoggies

    Answer by Ilovemydoggies at 12:11 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • There are many young girls who have told stories about inappropriate behavior while in foster care, which usually relates back to their former abuse before they were in foster care. I'd tell your adoptive mom in private, so maybe she can arrange for some help for the girl with the girl's mother, or contact the girl's mother. If in any way you believe that this might be true, then I'd contact your school counselor, who has access to many files, and can get hold of the girl's mother and possibly medical records to find out the truth. Good luck.
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 12:26 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • If your father always treated you and your friends in an appropriate manner, I would chalk it up to a troubled girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I find it interesting that several of the comments that you have received seem so doubtful that this young woman is telling the truth. Although it is possible that she is not being truthful, I would not automatically assume that she is. As to what you should do, honestly I would think long and hard about what to do about this situation. What would it accomplish to ask your parents about it? Are you considering that because you need to know the truth? No one probably knows the truth except your father and this girl, right? I am sorry that you received this news whether it is true or not...it must have been very upsetting for you.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 3:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Unfortunately this can happen. And even if your dad treats you well that doesn't mean he was always so wonderful to others. You can ask your parents if they ever fostered a child by the name of the girl your friend ran into. Could this all be fictional? Sure. But it could have truth too. Right now it is not your job to investigate. That would be for law enforcement to decide if this girl comes forward. If this "friend" presses you again with this information - encourage them to let law enforcment know since they are concerned and you have not heard the information first hand. Your job is to be safe. So do what you need to do in order to stay safe. Lock your bedroom and bathroom door, if you feel icky about any situation or uncomfortable then tell someone. But until your safety is in jepordy it really is this "friend" passing along information or misinformation. Either way it is not fair to make you responsible.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • as of now MY sister (who is 30) remembers all kinds of men raping her, there is always a new fellow popping up that she "remembers". She has serious mental illness though & is very paranoid & pretty much believes anything her brain can conjure up. But she somehow lives a life outside the loony bin. My sister was also in foster care (as was I) she was in a wonderful home though. Woman (or shall i say girls) can do/say strange things for attention & sympathy. Ask yourself if you think she is %100 trustworthy, and also ask yourself if there is a chance of some depression or mental illness w/ her. If she is speaking of someone you care for, then maybe you should be open about it, If it is true, that may be something you need to know.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:48 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • "If your father always treated you and your friends in an appropriate manner, I would chalk it up to a troubled girl. "

    This means absolutely NOTHING.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 5:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • if I get this right your some girl claims to be the cousin of your friend and this friend told her your dad molested her and the cousin tells your twin. this story has been through too many people. either call your friend and ask her about this supposed cousin and if your father did anything. get it straight from her mouth. then you can check with your father.
    Lyndall

    Answer by Lyndall at 11:22 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH....I THINK I WILL TALK TO MY FRIEND AND SEE IF SHE IS RELATED TO THIS GIRL, THEN I WILL ASK MY PARENTS IF THEY FOSTERED A GIRL W/ THE SAME NAME. I WILL SEE WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE......MY DAD NEVER DID ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE TO ME IN ALL THE TIME I HAVE KNOWN HIM...THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO ANYONE ELSE...I LOVE MY DAD VERY MUCH AND I REALLY HOPE THIS IS A BIG FABRICATION!!!! .I DONT WANT TO BELIEVE THIS GIRL.....HOWEVER I'M NOT GOING TO DOUBT HER EITHER.....BTW, I AM 21 (I AM MARRIED AND DO NOT LIVE W/ MY PARENTS), THIS "ACCUSER" IS 27, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN FOSTER CARE W/ MY PARENTS BEFORE I ARRIVED THERE)....IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE ADVICE, PLEASE SHARE......I WILL UPDATE IN MY JOURNAL, I WILL CALL IT "UPDATE ON -HELP, I DON'T KNOW WHO TO BELIEVE-"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • ftist off this stuff dose happen in forster care and im not saying that this gril is telling the truth but child molester can go years with out doing stuf to kidds but once they see someone that they think will keep there mouth shut they will go for it and i would tell your friend frist and then you two figure out what the deal is and then you find out what the truth is and just trust our gut
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.