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18 year old daughter teen mom graduating high school

my 18 year old daughter is gratuating from high school. shes been a teenmom since she was 16. her son goes to daycare at her high school. my daughter is very stressed out. shes going to school,working part-time and tking care of her son. the babys dad for awhile wasnt helping out. she rarely goes out with her friends. shes tired all the time. a terrific guy wants to be there for her and her son. but i feel shes afraid to let her guard down.her last relationship was an abusive one. it was with her babys dad. this new guy is nothing like the old boyfriend. he lets her be herself. hes not controling in any way. but shes still holding back. she realizes she may be the sole provider for her son.dad had to be taken to court to pay child support.i want my daughter to be happy. how do i help her. to her,her mom im the enemy who doesnt understand her. how do i also let her know all guys are not like her ex and to stop comparing.

Answer Question
 
stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 3:52 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think over time and experience she will learn that on her own. I think that is wonderful that she has graduated and worked so hard to achieve what she has under the circumstances. Maybe the added stress is that she feels she has to be in a relationship for your sake? Be proud of your daughter because she has done so well. It sounds like she has all of her stuff in order, and I am sure when she is ready, she will make the right informed decision in regards to any new relationship. You are very lucky to have such a mature daughter.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 3:56 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Again...I suggest the book or the movie but I suggest either.."The Love Dare" I am 21years old I can understand what she is thinking. I think she is thinking right about keeping her mind on that she has to take sole care of herself and the baby...but the book or movie will help her to realize there is someone else out there special for her and it will be a hard road to achieve happiness from that person.
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 3:56 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • wow tell her congrats thats awsome i love the fact that she worked so hard to get it done and not just become another statistic of a teen mom.she deserves alot of respect for that. and keeping her son and realizing she does have to take care of him is also alot of stress to be under. maybe adding a boyfreind into the mix just isnt something she can handle right now and she might be scared of getting pregnant again right out of high school which would be really bad and an even tougher road to go down plus being in an abusive realtoin ship maybe she needs someone to talk to i work with high school girls at my church that have kids or babys and that is one thing that has helped them is being with other girls thier age that are going through the same thing or already have its not a religus group we dont bring religoin up at all in fact so it might be something she is intrested in i would look around in your comunnity for a group.
    SarahRandall

    Answer by SarahRandall at 4:19 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • No relationship advise, but CONGRATULATIONS to your daughter for a job well done. Big hugs
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 4:21 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • While it may be true (and in fact, probably IS true) that she is afraid to let her guard down and get involved with another man after her ex, I'm wondering if it's not something else. You have quite a list there of what she is up to: school, work, a child. That's a lot of responsibility, and a lot of time-consuming things to do. I know, for myself as an adult not in school, just work and kids keeps me very busy, and limits my social life. Perhaps she just feels that she is too busy to worry about trying to keep up a relationship, too. I would just back off and let her handle things her own way, in her own time. If it's just that she's busy, she'll eventually get to a point where she has time and wants to date,and if it's fear after the ex, she'll get over that, too. Just takes time, and mom telling her to date, get over it, move on, however you might put it, won't help. Tell her congrats on her accomplishments!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:21 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think your daughter is heading down the right road and worrying about what is the most important to her and that sounds like her son and school she has the rest of her life to have a relationship be a proud mom of her shes doing all the right things...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I would just give her lots of time to decide what she wants in a man. Maybe she has learned a valuable lesson and doesn't want to take another chance right now. Eighteen is still very young. I would be encouraging her to get some more education so that in the event she remains single, she will have a way of providing for herself and her child. It sounds to me like your daughter is pretty stable and responsible. I would just encourage her in that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:58 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • It sounds to me like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and is taking care of what needs to be taken care of. She is finishing school, working and taking care of her son. She has proven that she can make good choices and has taken responsibility for herself and her child. If I were you I would be supportive of her and back off about the boyfriend. When she is ready to she will date again. Leave her be and let her live her own life as she has proven that she can do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Could you be a bit sad meaning upset that dd is an unwed mom? She's done an incredible job as you have helping her, to get her degree. That is quite an accomplishment for her being a mom for as long as she has been one.

    She is far smarter than you think with her not wanting to get in to another relationship. Clearly she's concerned it could lead to more abuse and another baby. Give yourself credit for having raised such a smart daughter and give her space to mature which is different from growing. Maybe try counselling to understand why she wants her way. My son in his mid twenties and 21yo daughter plus 16yo daughter all in different ways are not doing what I think they should - but they are polite to all ages and work hard. Be glad she doesn't want a second baby now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Don't push her into anything. I mean yes this guy is great now, but what if in 2 or 5 years he decides he doesn't want to play Daddy anymore? Then your Grandson is left fatherless AGAIN! Your daughter is right to hold back. It seems to me she's trying to protect your grandson.


    On another note, while I think it's great and amazing your daughter stepped up and did the right thing. I think it's stupid to have a daycare at high school. Seriously, now the girls don't care if they get knocked up at 14...they can still go to school and so can their babies. Makes me sick. NOT AIMING THAT TOWRDS YOUR Daughter though. She seems to have her head on straight.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 9:27 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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