Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Herpes Relationship?

I've been thinking about breaking up w/ my boyfriend/father of my child. But I am afraid that I will never be in another long-term relationship b/c he and I both have herpes. What should I do? I want to be w/ someone else, but I don't want to have to explain that I have herpes. And they might be afraid to be with me. They main reason I stay w/ him is because of this. I love him, but I'm not IN love with him anymore. I'm so through with him. But I don't know how to handle being a single person w/ herpes.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My friend had a one night stand with somebody with herpes. She was devastated when she found out.
    She found a herpes support group and found true love. There are also dating sights for people with herpes.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 9:38 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Use valtrex the once daily tablet for the treatment of herpes. You will only need to be honest with someone about it if you plan of sleeping with them. Date around and see what is out there and once you find that person and you've gotten to know each other talk to them about it. Get all the information you can about the ways its spread and how its cured or treated for that person. You can always use protection. You don't stay with someone just because you have an std. How did you contract it? Was it by him or someone else? If you got it from him were you all together when he got it or did he have it before you? Someone had to have it first and if so how did you two discuss it? Be honest but wait until you know the new person first.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:38 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • He had it first. He got it from his ex-wife! We always used condoms. 3 months into our relationship, he came out & told me. It was really hard for him. He thought I was going to break up with him. But I didn't Maybe I was stupid for that. I didn't know you could get it when there wasn't an outbreak, but later down the road we didn't use condoms & that's how I got it. I never had an outbreak & didn't even know I had it...until I had my first one after something triggered it. I only take my medication when I think I have one coming on...which is rare. I've only had 2 since I've known I have it. Valtrex is very expensive, even w/ insurance...so I only use it when I need it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • There are a lot of people out there that see it as a horrible thing, but it's not, but it is inconvenient and it's embarrassing. Although there is no cure for it, it's not life threatening and with careful care, it lessons your chances of spreading it. The bad part about choosing someone that has it too, is that you can keep reinfecting each other in new places. The good news is that you can learn what your triggers are (stress, menestral cycle, pregnancy, certain foods, and so such) so you can lesson the outbreaks and the longer you have it the less frequent you will have outbreaks even if you're not on prescription medicine. A lot of people are ashamed of it and just won't tell the people they're having sex with, and others are out there carrying and spreading it and never know (men can have it for years with no symptoms and women can have it internally and not know).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:09 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Don't let the disease cost you happiness tho. If you were married my advice would be different, and since you do have a child I'll still ask if there's any way to fall in love again. If not, then leave, and find your happiness and just be careful who you tell, and take control of your body, don't let it control you and your happiness.
    There's a lot of understanding men out there, and if it makes you feel any better, the last I read, like 1 out of every 4 people have herpes (not sure if it's genital or oral or all together, but lots don't know sores they get all over their bodies are herpes complex).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:12 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I have heard that there are places online people with herpes can go to meet other people who have the disease and are open about it. I don't know from experience, but I would think someone who is open about it is far more considerate & responsible than your average joe. Also, I agree that you shouldn't let this disease run your life. Do whats best for you, the resrt will fall into place. GL!

    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 12:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • You have to tell someone before you have sex with them. My best friend has herpes. She has a hard time and some of them leave her after she tells them but there have been a few that like her enough to stay with her until something different fucks up the relationship. There are decent understanding people out there but you have to be honest with them, not to soon and not AFTER you have sex.

    I had a friend in high school and her dad has had herpes since he was a teenager. They are in their 50s with two kids, her mom has never caught it.
    thisloveofmine

    Answer by thisloveofmine at 12:56 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • There are LOTS of people who have herpes dude. Please don't stay with them just because of that. Do some research, times have changed more people are open toward that fact. Sorry that happen to you though. It says alot about you for staying with him when he told you and even more dignified of you when you realized that you had it. I have a friend who had a boyfriend that had it. He never told her till 12 years into the relationship. Now that is bad, she doesn't have though and it's now 4 years later. Good luck to you, I think you are a really decent person for that. So believe that there are more of you out there that would see past that and see you for the beautiful person you are & give YOU a chance.
    Jess288

    Answer by Jess288 at 2:56 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I'm 35 and have had herpes since I was 19. I married and divorced my husband without him ever knowing or contracting the disease. I know, it's bad that I never told him. I am now in a relationship with my high school sweetheart. I deeply love and respect him so I decided I was going to come clean with him and tell him that I have herpes. I figured if he really loves me, he'll understand, BUT I was so scared and almost gave myself an ulcer trying to get the courage to tell him. When I finally told him, ya know what he said? He said "Oh, is that it? Thats no big deal, I have it too! You know 1 out of every 4 Americans have genital herpes." I couldn't believe it!!!

    People are more understanding than you think, and the odds of you being with someone who has it are still pretty great. Go and be happy, don't stay in an unhappy relationship just because of a silly flare up couple times a year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Nov. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.