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MIL advice! Please help

My MIL and I get along really well, we've never had problems before. But, now that I am a mom she's starting to drive me crazy.
We see at least twice a week. Every time we're with her and the baby starts crying she says, "Oh poor baby, what is mommy doing to you?", as if I'm beating the baby up instead of trying to soothe her. And, if the baby doesn't stop crying right away my MIL will come over and say, "I'll calm her down", and she takes her out of my arms! It really makes me feel as if she thinks I'm a bad mom! She seems to think I am incapable of caring for my child. And, I'm not the type of mom that gets annoyed, or frustrated when my daughter cries. If she's crying I'll talk calmly to her, or rock her, or whatever, I never get upset or anything.
I talked to my husband about how this hurts my feelings and he just chalks it up to his mom loving our daughter and wanting to love on her.
Am I being too sensitive? Any advice?


Asked by CaylaLU at 9:48 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I don't see a problem with this really. My MIL and my own mom did those things. They just think that since they have had kids they know more. I don't think she really means anything by it. Maybe she also thinks she is helping you because she remembers what it's like to have a crying baby. I loved my MIL so much, she said stuff like that, but I knew she loved me and my son and so I just let it go. She doesn't think you're a bad mom. She just knows she has more experience (even though it's not her baby, she still thinks it). She is only trying to help. Don't start a war with her. It will only hurt her feelings and a MIL can be a wonderful friend, if you let her be one. Good luck.

    Answer by GMR at 10:00 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • dont let her take her when she cries, and if she tries to just walk away, in fact it helped with me if I walked out of the room when my mil was there and the baby started crying, she did the same thing. And as I was walking out I would say something like oh did grandma scare you lets come in here away from her. She wil get the picture. Tell your huby either he talks to her or you do and remind him that you will not be as nice about it. Usually that will get mine into action. GL

    Answer by AK_aries at 9:52 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • My mother says the same thing if my daughter is crying. People find it as an endearment type of thing when you become a mother. She knows your not doing anything to her, she is just making conversation with the baby. As for her wanting to calm her down, she wants to feel needed as her kids are all grown. My mom is the same way with my daughter. Its always what did mommy or daddy do to you, come here and grandma will fix it. She wants to feel important and needed. You could just tell her nicely like I really don't like you saying what did mommy do to you. Let her know it hurts your feelings and ask her to please stop. How old is your daughter? Mine is 7 months and my mother still says it if she cries. You can either talk to her or just remember she misses being a mother and her grand-daughter is all she has that needs her now for comfort and extra lovin's.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:56 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think I agree with hubby. It's frustrating, but she's just trying to hlep. And the is momy hurting you is probably more playful. My stepmom always blames my dad the same way. But she just wants to help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Thanks guys..... I figured I was just being too sensitive :-( Guess I'll just have to deal with it.

    Answer by CaylaLU at 10:36 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think maybe it's a shared responsibility. It could be that she's overly anxious about wanting to be a good grandma and it could also be that you are overly sensitive to being thought not a good mom. You are not in competition with her. Both of you want what is best for your child. Nothing that is done is going to cause any permanent damage, so you can pre-empt the problem by handing her to grandma when she cries and asking her if she might try to calm her down. There are thousands of women who would love to have a caring grandma to sometimes come to their rescue when they have a crying baby. Try seeing it more as a postive thing and be thankful that she wants to help you out.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:39 AM on Apr. 13, 2009