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My 13 year old daughter is allowed to stay overnight at a friends house one week night a month, usually a thursday. Now she is asking all the time. How much is too much?

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ravenhairone715

Asked by ravenhairone715 at 9:55 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • How are her grades? Is she missing a lot of school? Is she getting up for school on time with no complaints? Is she overly tired when she is home? If there isn't an issue with it then maybe 2 school nights a week as she does have Friday and Saturday nights as well. Are the other parents around and aware of what is going on? Does she check in with you? Is she still respecting the rules and doing her chores? It all depends on how responsible she is for her age. If you think 1 night is enough then leave it at that. Summer is coming up so she will have 6 to 8 weeks to stay.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:07 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • wow she must have really good grades and attendance, you should be very very proud!! My kids' sleep overs were and are for weekends only, about once a month. Chores and homework, family obligations to do at home but it still leaves time for occasional socialing after school and most weekends during one day and Saturday, Sunday night.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I plan on doing my kids the same way I was. I didn't get to spend the night at someone else's house on a school night. Period. I could on weekends, and if school was out, I sometimes could on a weeknight, but only if I could stay at their house until my parents could pick me up after work the next day, or if they could give me a ride home.

    Too much is when you decide. If you don't want to let her go, just tell her no. Yes, she'll get mad, but so what?
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:08 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think you are more lenient that I will be. The kids will be at home on all school nights excepting emergencies. If you are content with 1, then leave it at 1. Provided she is able to function at school, and you know there is an adult there to be responsible for them at night, do whatever you are comfortable with. I personally wouldn't at all, but I know how I was at friend's houses when I was younger. If you decide to up the days spent, I suggest not letting her know at a time when she is begging for more time. Do it sometime when she hasn't mentioned it for a couple of days.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:11 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I don't allow week night sleep overs, but I know a lot of my 12 year old daughter's friends do them. I think I'd stick with the once a month if you are comfortable with that and tell her if she continues to pester you about it it will be none. If you have ever given in to her on this issue she will likely not believe you and keep pushing it until you actually do take the one away for a while.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 10:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • As long as she isn't failing and having discipline probs. Let her go. My son spends ever other Friday and Sat night at least spending the night with friends. He is a great kid and so, I think it's good for him.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:17 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Very classy anon....with an answer like that, we see who the real trash is.....Anyway, OP...I think spending the night on a school night anywhere is a bad idea. Thats just my opinion and our family dynamic doesnt allow it. I just dont think its necessary when they have fri and sat nights for this and there are a lot of school holidays too. I dont think its disastrous or anything, but I wouldnt allow more than that. Also make sure the other parents have this same rule or allow this too because you don't want to impose on another family. In my home, I like our morning routine to be very very ritualistic without any changes. I told my daughter that I want her home on school days and nights because thats where she belongs. If this works for your family, then thats cool, but I don't think I would allow any more than 1. Good luck to you.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:34 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • My daughter is only allowed to stay the night on weekends, but most weekends it’s Fri and Sat they are all at one house or another, mostly ours. There are times her two best friends are over Friday after school and don’t leave until Sunday night. We love it :)
    Bear777

    Answer by Bear777 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • To quote a previous answer elsewhere... her 'currency' is sleeping over. If so, then use it. Yes, I'm surprised she is allowed to sleepover on school nights, but hey, if it works for you and another family, and she performs well in school, good for you! Again, if you think this is what makes her 'tick' then maybe go up to 2 nights - IF she keeps her grades up (or if you have some other problem you want her to correct) and IF she doesn't ask all the time. If she keeps asking, it or if she doesn't "make the grade", she can't have the second day a month. And you might gently remind her that if she lies, or gets into trouble otherwise, that should be the first privilege to go!

    Always good to know your kids 'currency'! Have fun....
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 10:46 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • i personally will not allow my SKs or daughter to spend the night anywhere on a school night (except their BM's) unless it is an emergency. There is just no need for it and we are too busy anyway. My SKs do not have a certain amount of times a month. The oldest is 8. In general they just stay with cousins, but occassionally we have allowed SD to spend the night at a friends. We dont do it very often because we are busy and spliting weekends makes it hard. I say, do what you feel comfortable with. If she is behaving and doind well in school, I dont see anything wrong with them staying more often. Maybe have her bring her friends over or something sometime.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:58 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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