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Is this wrong..............I have a dad that married my mom and adopted me when I was 3 so that is basicly all I have ever knowen as my dad.

When I was 11 I found out I had another dad but that he never wanted to see me or come around. When I was 15 I found my biological dad but since I was 15 to now (almost 27) he has been in and out of my life and it is like now that I have 2 girls he want's to see them, but doesn't want to see or talk to me. He picks up the kids once in a great while or if a friend of mine watches the girls they go over there. I use to call him dad when I first met him, but since he keeps coming in and out I don't call him dad anymore. The thing is my girls are 4 and 15 months so they don't quit understand all of this. But they call him grandpa and they call my step mom grandma the thing is I corect them and say no it is (and I tell them the name of them). My mom also doesn't think they should be calling them grandpa and grandma especially my step mom. They only see them once in a great while. What do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I have to be honest, I don't know why you would let your girls see him if he doesn't want to see you. It just sounds really strange to me. But, moving on....I wouldn't let my kids call them grandma and grandpa, either. They're not. Their grandparents are your mother and the man who was a dad to you, who helped raise you and took care of you. How could your bio father consider himself a grandparent to your kids if he was never a parent to you? I don't know if you tried to explain the relationship to your girls, and that's why they think he's grandpa, but I would maybe just tell them that he is just a friend and that's it. Less confusion for them, especially if he eventually slips out of their lives. And since he didn't stick around for you, I'd not have much hope he'd stick around for them. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:04 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • That is your call. If you don't mind then let them call them whatever they want. If you prefer them call him Grandpa "John" and Grandma "Brenda" then tell them thats their names. Little kids have no clue who people are until they are taught so its your call as to what they call them.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:00 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • yep no need to call him grampa and grandma see they only come around once in a great while

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • A name is just a name. It doesnt matter if they call them g-ma and g-pa, they will eventually figure out how flaky he is, and maybe having grandkids will keep him around longer. Just like if you werent able to call yor adopted dad dad and called him by his first name, he would still be like a dad to you right? It's just a name, it is up to him to build the relationship, it sounds like you might be playing a part in helping to push him away, understandably so your kids dont get hurt, but still, give him a chance, people change.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Maybe leave it up to the children. I know they are young now, so encourage them to use first names. Then as they get older and can understand the situation, let them decide how they feel and what title they feel is fitting. Obviously, you are not comfortable with them being called grandma and grandpa, and I can understand why. So, you do what you are comfortable with until they are old enough to decide this on their own. I honestly, would have a hard time with this man spending time with my children actually. I would be scared they would grow attached only to have him leave for good and have to explain that. We went through something similar when my stepson's biological mother resurfaced. She was gone for a year, came back one day, left for two more months, then would see him maybe once every 3 weeks. For about two hours at a time, but never just the two of them. She would always bring other people with her. Its a hard road.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:05 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • one set can be grandma and grandpa and the other set g ma and g pa, something like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I'm trying to figure out why you'd let your bio dad see your kids if he seemingly doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Shouldn't you be a package deal with your kids?

    On that note, I agree with the ladies that it's your call on what the kids call him.

    Answer by rhope4 at 10:09 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I kinda know what you are going through with this. My dad adopted me at the age of 12. And off and on throuhg the years, my father has tried to get back in my life. I have been the one to keep it at bay only because of the type of person he is. Well, now that karma is coming back to bite him in the rear end, he wants me to uproot my family and move closer to him so I can take care of him. Needless to say, I ain't doin it.
    But to your problem, if you are not comfy with them calling them that, then don't let them. Just tell your kids they are old friends of the family and then wait till they are old enough to understand to explain to them what is going on. I do not intend to tell my kids they have another grandpa (my hubby's father passed away, so they only know one). I feel like he the day he signed his rights away to me, he also signed any rights he had to see them away.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:12 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • ANON 10:03
    I did call my adopted dad, dad and I still do because that was all I ever knowen as a dad I always thought he was my dad until I found out. He hardly ever comes around. Trust me this man does not change. He left when I was 1 or 2 came back when I called at 15 left again at 17 then again at 20 then again at 22 then again last summer now he is back and only if I call him or if I am over at this friends house. He hurt me more than once and last summer he left May and he just came back to see the kids again about a month ago I don't want my kids to get hurt my 4 year old always asks when they stop coming around where he is so I am afraid she is going to get hurt like I have around him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • This boils down to grandparents wanting to get a "do-over." They screwed up the first time around, being a good parent, so they want the chance to be a GREAT grandPARENT without all of the inherent responsibility that goes along with it! As grandparents they are financially they are in a better position than they were as parents, and they have the freedom to come and go as they please and squeeze in the "kid thing" when it suits them. This is NOT acceptable! It's all or nothing!

    To keep it short, my mother screwed up royally with me (foster care, pawned off to family and friends, not marrying my bio-dad, telling me he was dead--when he was alive and well living a few miles away! etc.) NOW, that I am happily married, living 300+ miles away from her, with my own 2 children, she wants to breeze in and out of childrens lives when it suits her (she's retired) and play "Super Nana" without dealing with me! Not gonna happen! LOL

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:18 AM on Apr. 13, 2009