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What would you do

huband and I have been having problems here and there. Then ocassionally he says I want to go first (die). It would be less complicated. I said why are you with me... If you are not happy then? Be with someone who wants to make you live. He said who said I'm NOT happy? It pissing me off really. I'm confused help pls.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Everyone dies and maybe he's just thinking about what would be best. If he goes first that means that your kid(s) would still have mom there for comfort and advice but if you went first he'd have to learn to do everything on his own. My family actually says stuff like this a lot. I think it's pretty normal to think if one of us were to die which would be less complicated. I really don't think he's saying it because he's not happy, he's just thinking about things.

    Answer by bassyentihw at 10:22 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Ask him why it would be less complicated if he died first and why he says it. My husband says the same thing only because of our daughter. He knows either way its going to hurt her but he couldn't bear to lose me and have her around as well to comfort. He might be happy and just can't bear living with you being gone. Have you thought about counseling? Try a few sessions or talk to a preacher or minister or someone who might be able to help you sort it out.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I can answer this one...
    I hope I go first, not because I want to leave him, not because I'm unhappy but because I'm the one that has life insurance, he's the one with the job, and I don't want to live without him, I don't want to go thru the pain of losing him, I don't want to be left alone to worry about how I'm going to pay the bills (he can't get life insurance due to health reasons).
    In his whacked out way he's thinking of you and the kids when he says it. He loves you and thinks it would be easier financially and emotionally if he were to go first. If my hubby goes first while the kids are young, I can make it on their Social security, but for me to be able to even pay my bills, let alone for the funeral is going to be a nightmare and I won't be financially or emotionally able to do it and I don't want to. I want to go first so they're atleast financially able to take some time to deal with it, without money issues.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:22 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • he says it after arguments. oh I don't think he is sucidal just doesn't care if he goes first. I don't read good between lines at times. He said ill let you think about that one for a while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Ohhhh after arguements... well I'm not suicidal (well sometimes I wish it would just happen but I'm not going to make it happen or even help it) but once in a while I get tired of getting mad and frustrated and I've said "I hope I die before you do so maybe you can find someone that can actually make you happy!" I don't mean it, it's more for shock value I think. I think that when I do it, it's to make him think of his life without me, that I want him to say "no, I don't want to ever be without you, I love you, want you, need you, I hope I never have to live a moment without you". That doesn't happen tho. All I get is "I hope not, I don't know how I'd handle the kids on my own", not that he loves and wants me, just that he doesn't want to do it alone. But I do know that he does love me, he's just not thinking like I do, like women do. They see things as the provider where we're the emotional provider.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:41 AM on Apr. 13, 2009