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I feel guilty! Would you?

My stepson has lost 5 coats this school year at school. Multiple times he has lost them and quite a few times we found them in lost and found. Now however, they are gone for good I am afraid. These are all jackets I bought him. I told him that I was done buying him jackets, and that Daddy was done. His mother gave him a sweater that is very obviously old. It barely fits him, so he can't wear it long. It has one green sleeve and one white sleeve, a red stripe in the center going down, then blue stripes outside those. That is the front. Then the back has one blue stripe in the center and red ones outside that. The hood is green and white, opposite of the sleeves. I hope that makes sense. I am actually feeling guilty about sending him to school in that. I wouldn't wear it. Maybe 15 years ago I would have, but not now. I don't want him to have no consequence of losing his coats, I don't want him to be cold. But I don't know!


Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:42 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (39)
  • I suppose it would depend on my child's age. If were talking about my four year old losing it at preschool, then I wouldn't feel guilty. 1. If he loses the ugly sweater, no harm no foul. 2. If whatever adult is in charge notices the sweater isn't up to par on the looks and size and decides to say something to me and Dad, then I can ask, "Why weren't you paying attention to his other jackets?" Not to mention if whatever adult that is in charge there also notices his lack of it, again another opp for asking why they didn't help us out with the other 5!
    An older child, perhaps 8-13...then they definetly can wear the ugly sweater. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. You can only do so much. Being a good mom is about being selfless and caring, not perfect. We all have to do things we don't want to do to make points sometimes. It's the way of the woman. :)

    Answer by April611 at 3:41 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Have his mom start buying them then, don't feel guilty. He needs to be learning responsibility and not constantly lose them.

    Answer by IRA871 at 10:44 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • i would feel guilty too but the only way to teach him is for him to have a consequence, and unless there is another sweater or something you already own, than he gets what he gets. maybe make an agreement if he can hold onto that sweater for such and such amount of time than he can get a new coat.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:44 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Go to goodwill, buy something that will keep him warm the rest of the year, but may not be that attractive. He'll learn to keep better track of his coats. Or make him work for a new one that he likes. Give him extra chores to earn his coat

    Answer by amy31308 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • vabchmommy said exactly what I was going to say. Give him a length of time and tell him if he can keep the sweater that long, then you'll get him a new coat. Also, are you writing his name in them? That might help, too. Sometimes teachers will grab coats and assume they are lost/forgotten b/c there is no name in them, and send them to lost and found, at least at my kids' school. If there's a name in them, the teachers will usually try to find the student and return it.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:48 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • She doesn't have a job, so she can't really buy him a coat. He does need to learn responsibility and I know that. He did leave the house in it today, and I told him if he found his other one he lost on Friday, then he could go back to that. I know that I am doing the right thing, but for some reason, it is really really hard.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:48 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • All of his coats get tagged with Sharpie before he wears them anywhere. His backpacks too! He doesn't lose backpacks, he just breaks them,

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:49 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • How old is your SS? Do you put his name in the coats anywhere? Do they not have a place to put the coats at school? Lockers? Coat racks? etc? I just don't understand how its possible to lose 5 coats. Even one! Depending on his age, I would be finding out what is going on at school that he is losing them there. I know I get upset with my SD if she comes in without her coat on from the bus. Do you pick up your SS from school? If so, I would make him go back in and find his coat before you leave the school. And if BM has him more, it should be at least partially her responsiblity to help keep track of these things depending on age. And she should have tohelp supply them.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:50 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • He is 7, but he leaves them on the playground at recess or lunch. He didn't have this problem last year when it was half day kindergarten. We always do go in when he has lost one to check, but if it was lost on the playground, there is no telling. They do recesses in shifts. So the first graders go first, then the second graders, then so on and so on. So between the time he loses his coat and we get there at school, 4 other grades have gone out for recess. I have talked to the teachers just to be sure he isn't getting them stolen from him. His class teacher is the recess duty teacher 3 days a week, so she knows him well. He does have coat racks in class, but once he gets out to recess, he just throws it on the ground and forgets about it. BM has him only one weeknight and then overnight on Saturdays. She picks him up once a week from school, but that day is a short day here, so he only has one recess, not his usual 3.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:56 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Where the heck is the teacher? I think that kids that young should be watched more closely and doesn't the teacher pay attention to what the kids are wearing or missing? Tell her about it. Tell her that he keeps losing his jackets and could she keep an eye out. He doesn't mean to do it. Maybe he's a really forgetful kid. My son lost more hats and gloves than i could count. I went to the dollar store for them from then on.

    Answer by GMR at 11:00 AM on Apr. 13, 2009