Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do?

My grandma is dying of cancer, We have become closer in the past few years but she was never really a nice woman to me or my brothers, she always had clear favorites and was downright mean to us. My mother was visiting her last week and called me to say that she was cleaning her garage and found every single pitcure of me and my brothers in a box in the garage but in her home she had a pitcure of every grandchild but us three hanging up. My mom was crying and wonders what she did wrong, then my mom asked me to write my grandma a letter telling her all the wonderfull things she did for me. I tried to but i couldnt even though the relationship has gotten better the past hurts and my feeling is now that she is sick that shes going to take this letter as suck up for money after she is gone. And honestly I dont want anything. so i sent her a card saying have a nice easter and sent pics of my kids was this the right choice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I am so sorry this must be so painful for you. I have that type of strained relationship with my mother but had a awesome relationship with my grandmother. Until she recently died of stomach cancer. I guess you could say it's the opposite of what your going through. I think you did the most noble thing, I completely agree with how you feel and admire the strength you have, rejection from a family member is a hard situation to grapple with. You did good momma.


    Answer by JenNAY3 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Yes, you did the right thing. You can't send a letter that isn't true. My father wasn't a good guy and he passed away 2 years ago. Our relationshp became closer the last few years and I am really glad about that. I never blew smoke up his ass and sent him cards that said anything that wasn't true. I feel good about that. Be true to yourself - don't worry about why she hasn't been good to you, it isn't your fault, it's her loss.

    Answer by pattigioeli at 11:45 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think what you did was an appropriate gesture.

    Answer by fpraglowski at 11:46 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I agree with the PP - very appropriate and kind.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think you did the perfect thing. You showed respect. That's more than many of these mean harmful grandmothers do to us. Mine was a horrid old bird. My dad got upset with me bc I didn't cry when she died. I told him I cried enough when she was alive. I had no tears left for her. You did good.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:10 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I know how you feel about the hurt with your grandma. It sucks that no matter what you do you will never be accepted. My grandma is a mean and nasty lady, she says hurtful things and she has only seen my four year old twice I think and her other two great grandchildren ( 3 and 1.5) she has never seen. It hurts to know that she doesn't want to see us when we have done nothing to her. I think you definitely did the right thing, if you wrote a letter and said things that truly didn't come from your heart it would be wrong, dying or not. My mom always tells me it's my grandma's lose that she didn't get to know a great person, you should think of it that way.

    Answer by teeney43 at 12:27 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I think you did the right thing.

    Answer by thisloveofmine at 12:59 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • When she passes you will be relieved that you remained who you are. Regardless of how she treated you. You did as YOUR mother wished you to do. You remained who you TRULY are not fake by writing something that you did not feel. She knows better than ANY OF YOU what she did to all of you remember that. Your mom might be crying but your grandmother is hurting far more that is why she is reaching out now. Where ever she may end up, she will get everything due to her be it good or bad.............

    Answer by Jess288 at 2:43 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.