Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

First no bashers just real women talk....thanks!

I am a stepmother of an 8 year old little girl. There is a long story behind it but too much to write. Anyway her mother is 30+ with 2 other kids(2 other dads) and acts like a child.(not bashing) I have always heard about things she has said about me and even negative things about DH. I have never addressed it. I think it would be pointless and stir up a whole bunch of extra stuff that will go on forever(u know women!) my ? is how do I continue to keep being a positive part of this little girls life when I'm beginning to feel like the extra stuff is something I dont have to deal with and dont want to deal with. I could pull away(by that i just mean stop being the person to say lets get her to come do this or that) but I know it will affect her relationship with her father when I am the one who for the most part includes her in on most of all we do as a family.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • well that sounds tough. maybe u should talk to her? tell ur step dd too. thst u love her and u want to b a good part of her life and u want her to be just lik ur dd. tell her mother she needs to stop with the trash talk because shes only huirting herself and her dd. also, itd b good to tell ur hubs about how u feel and maybe hav him help with it.
    xhellxfirex495

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 12:59 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • talk to her tell her.. im not tryin to start nothng but she needs to know how it is... gather your thought first think of every posablie asnwer u think she owuld have... make it as nice as u can....
    Dayna-Marie

    Answer by Dayna-Marie at 1:02 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • let me just reiterate that i expect her to say things about me because I am his wife and mother of his other children. We live together and have a family. that comes with the territory so i dont care. i just think she looks for a problem where there is none and I see this becoming a problem in the future.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • IMO, the 8 year old shouldn't have to suffer for something her mother is doing. Just keep being you to the little girl, treating her good, and don't worry about ther Mom and what she says. Things like that eventually come back to get them.No matter what, you already know what type of mother she has and thats a shame. She may look at you as the mother she wants by the way you treat her. If you hear something about her mom, just shrug it off. No matter what , unless you have a good relationship with her Mom, there will be drama, unfortunately. Be there like you are and she will always love you in a special way/
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 1:02 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Keep including her. It sounds as though you are a good influence in your life. Show her by actions what kind of person you are. Don't say bad things about other people, including her mother, do offer hugs, encouragement, caring, attention.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:05 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • no, keep the child out of the loop. They can't understand and take it personally when things don't work out right with the adults. You know what is right. Keep doing what you do and ignore the bad behavior of the mom as best you can. Use it as a learning tool if mom says something in front of her. My adult dd does this and I turn to my grandson and say "her words hurt my feelings" and walk away. That way we all acknowledge her bad behavior and I let her (and him) know it's not alright to accept hurtful words and be treated like that. It's being assertive without being aggressive and starting something. How can she fight with me expressing how I feel when she says things like that? It works for me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:06 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I 2nd Kate. Do not worry about his ex ,who is prob jealous his daughter likes you! Do not feed into her ploys to break the daughter away back to her insecure self.
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 1:07 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • it is a very rough situation bcuz i feel in the end the only one who loses is the little girl. it really annoys me to hear comments about DH bcuz he pays his child support every single 2 wks and we get her when we can which is often. yeah there is always more that can be done but that is the same with all things. our kids at home-work-school-housework etc...we have pics from the time she was born with us from damn near every holiday. this baby was with us days after she was born with our son. if i ever had to have my child have a stepmom i would want her to be like me. i just dont understand why 8 yrs later there still has to be some kind of negativity. if u get a min please read my last night post RETURNING FROM EASTER DINNER AND...My dh is fed up and i just keep saying soon she will be old enough 2 cum n go and call as she pleases. ot concerns me what is said around her also. I dont know. im tryn 2 remain positive
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • More power to you and I am glad that you are setting a positive example in this child's life. Don't stoop to her mom's level by giving in to her childish and negative attitude. You are doing the right thing!

    my_jasnkiki

    Answer by my_jasnkiki at 1:14 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • thanks to everyone who replied. I would never talk badly about her mother to her-that is her mom. i would NEVER do that no matter what I think about her personally and she would never know by my actions. Kids shouldnt be involved in those things. For all she knows her mom is my best friend! Although knowing her mom Im sure she doenst do the same in return which again is fine becuz i expect that from her. I just dont know how much more I can take as a woman without once saying look this attitude crap has got to stop period. I have been here for 10 yrs. I am not going anywhere our kids are siblings your child stays in my home if you have something you need to say please get it off your chest so we can move on. she does not have to like me but we do have to deal with each other as women to a certain extent. this isnt months or a year old but 8. i mean come on already. this has got to end at some point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN