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I feel like a horrible person. Every one around me is getting pregnant. I have been trying for over a year and nothing. We are giving up for a little while on trying, we are just letting nature take it's course. But now 2 friends of ours are both expecting without trying, and all I can think is that should be me. How do I get over feeling like this? Am I a horrible person?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (10)
  • I have been there, and it is frustrating when you see friends get pregnant, when you want it so much. I tried for 5 years, and finally did, got blessed twice, don't give up, it will happen. Prayer works.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • No your not a horrible person but if you let the disappointment get in the way you wont get pregnant because your causing stress in your body. It took us 7 years to have our daughter. I had to watch my sister have 3 kids and all my friends have babies when they were all divorced or not even with the babies dad and I was married and it pissed me off. Be happy for them and your turn will come. Once I got pregnant then 6 of my friends got pregnant who had been trying so you never know. Are you on any fertility pills or had any tests to check for PCOS or anything?

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 3:33 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • It's perfectly normal to feel this way, and if you didn't, you wouldn't be human. It is hard to watch other people get pregnant around you when you've wanted it so badly and have prepared for it so much. I remember feeling bouts of anger and frustration, especially when I heard about horrible parents on the news.

    The key is to acknowledge that it is okay, but move on to a healthier mindset. Give yourself some time to be angry, feel pity, or whatever you need, but then get your chin up and focus on being healthy and happy. I know... easier said than done sometimes, but really you do need to take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

    Answer by Busimommi at 3:42 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • You're not a horrible person for being angry. This anger is a natural response to grieving the the unfulfillment of your expectations. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. It's common for those of us trying or who have experienced loss to be saddened or angry when someone else around them announces an easy or unplanned pregnancy. It's okay to feel angry. It's part of grieving.

    But there's a point where you can let anger dwell inside of you and consume you instead of fighting it and dealing with it where it can become a bad thing. Sometimes it can feel like you will struggle with the sentiment forever and just when you start to see victory, something can happen that sets you off again. I don't have a magical cure that will give you victory over your anger, but I would highly suggest finding a few close girl friends to whom you can confess and who can help you deal with your anger before it turns into bitterness.

    Answer by Learning2Hope at 3:48 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Also, as much as I'd like to say it will happen for you and your turn will come, I cannot guarantee that, nor can any of the other commenters, unless they've had a word from God specifically for you. But in the mean time, we can all hope and pray for one another.

    I am familiar with your longing, as I strongly desire children and just experienced a miscarriage in January. There are still hard days and days where I'm tempted to get angry or bitter, but I don't want to miss out on the blessings of my life now waiting for future blessings to come. Try to fight against letting your desire ruin the rest of your life. Stay strong in your marriage and work on becoming the parent you long to be now by becoming the wife and the woman you want to be.

    Best wishes to you. If you need to talk or just need someone to listen, feel free to message me.

    Answer by Learning2Hope at 3:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • We have both been checked by the dr. and we are more than capable of having a baby. I already have 2 wonderful boys, and should just be happy but I really want another, we did get pregnant 7 months ago and lost twins at 12 weeks, so now I want another so bad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Hey.. I know what your going through. We tried 2 years.. Tried 5 months with drugs.. Then ended up getting pregnant.. Had a good pregnancy until 16 weeks.. then I went into premature labor.. I lost my son at 20 weeks.. During this whole proces.. My two very best friends are pregnant.. Neither of them wanted to be.. ALL of my friends have kids, and I had to bury my little boy.. And I'm married and have been for 3 years. Financially okay.. There's no reason I shouldn't be a mom.. So I know.. I'm now trying to conceive again.. but my dr said that it was very unlikely that it would happen.. I don't know what to tell you. I talk to both of my friends every day that are pregnant, and end up crying every day, because it's just not fair.. I'm so sorry though. I hope it happens for you

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 4:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Im in that exact same situation! My fiancee and I have been trying since December and throughout that time two of our friends have become pregnant and were not even trying for a baby. It's a little frustrating but I'm still happy for them anyway. You're not horrible for feeling this way it's completely normal. Good luck and tons of baby dust!!

    Answer by armanaqueen630 at 8:22 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I've been trying since October. Its been 7 months. If it doesn't happen within 12 months I won't be one of those people who try for years and years and don't get checked out etc etc. In 7 years I'll be 36. Thats way too late to start a family (for ME). I would love 2 or 3 and I don't want them to be on top of eachother in age. Nobody is a horrible person for being envious. I see people all the time who don't deserve children and it makes me want to rip my hair out. I am disgusted at some women who just keep popping out kids and can't even (or don't ) want to cherish every one of them. I see pregnant women in my store smoking outside, I've seen alot of women who get abortion after abortion where it breaks my heart b/c I want a family and they CHOOSE to take something so precious for granted. It hits me personally BECAUSE I want a family so I notice these things more. One of my "friends" have had 3 abortions in the past 12

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • (continued) months and it disgusted me b/c I couldn't even get pregnant ONCE!!! Maybe if i wasn't trying to start a family I would still be upset that she did that, BUT I wouldn't be so personally affected by it and angry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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