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Going to see my pregnant friend after my loss.

Me and DH are going on a small vacation this year, and we're going to see my best friend. She's pregnant.. She's 28 weeks right now, and if I hadn't lost my son at 20 weeks.. I'd be 30 weeks.. I'm so scared once I see her, that I'll break down.. We were so excited that we were pregnant together, and now I lost mine .. I'm still happy for her, but the thought of seeing her with her pregnant belly, makes me want to break down. Is there any way I can keep it together at least while I'm around her?

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Asked by PeytonsMom21109 at 4:18 PM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Grieve and she will understand. You will be there again one day and she will be happy for you. Talk to her about it and if you cry then cry. She is your best friend and that is what she is there for.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 4:20 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • The same thing happened to me and my friend only she lost the baby and I was still pregnant. I was real uncomfortable around her at first because I didnt want her to feel sad but I tried to make it as comfortable for her as possible. I think she will do the same for you. Good luck and sorry for the loss.

    Answer by annamcg18 at 4:21 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I would try to keep it in control as best I could, but I'm assuming since you are taking your vacation to see her than she is a good friend and will understand if you do have a break down. Just make sure she is aware that you aren't upset with her, that you are happy for her and all that kind of stuff. If it were me I'd also warn her before I went, just a heads up I don't know how I'm going to react when I see your belly so if I cry or get upset it's not directed at you, its the fact that we were going through this together now I've lost my baby. Something like that so she is a bit prepared for it.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 4:21 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • She is probably worried about it too. She is probably prepared that you may get upset when you see her.Since she is your good friend, let her comfort you the best she can. You need her now more than ever. Please try not to push her away.
    My friend lost her baby shortly after birth, I had a one year old at the time. I wanted to help her and she pushed me away. I still have guilt about not being a better friend to her.
    Even if you do breakdown it is ok... she will understand.
    Big Hugs!

    Answer by Nathskitten at 4:40 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am in the same boat as you. My sister is due between July 19th to July 23rd and I was due on August 6th. I lost mine at 9 weeks and I see my sister every weekend. Luckily she hides the when I am around with her clothes which makes it easier on me. She will not talk to me about her pregnancy unless I ask her about it. So not only do I feel jealous that I am not still pregnant, but I also feel like she is not open with me about the pregnancy. It is so hard to be happy for her and jealous all at the same time. When you see your friend, you may break down. I am sure she will understand. She may feel uncomfortable with sharing the pregnancy with you too. If you do break down, give her a hug and tell her you are so happy for her. Hopefully you and I will be pregnant again before they have their babies. I think it will be easier on us when they go into labor.

    Answer by JenaElliott at 4:42 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • Honestly, you need to let your friend know this before you ever get there. I'm sure your best friend is well aware of how you feel and how difficult it must be for you. However, don't hide how you feel or it will simply make it that much harder on both of you. If you are truly happy for your friend then show it. Be excited and happy about the new member to her family. Will it be hard, YES! Will you regret it if you wallow in self pity while you are with her, YES! Nobody expects you to not mourn your loss. Just be happy in the small time frame that you have with your friend. You won't get that opportunity again.

    Answer by hopingwishing at 6:25 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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