Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how is a good way to get through the birthday or your dead child,when it still bothers you as if it were yesturday

Answer Question
 
cntrycna1

Asked by cntrycna1 at 4:22 PM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Health

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I know people who celebrate anyways. They have a small nice dinner with family, a cake, and look back at videos or scrapbooks of their lost loved one, that way even though they are upset and sad they are also looking at happy times and remembering that. Just an idea, I don't know myself so I hope you find a way to make something work for you.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 4:24 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I have some friends that lost their little boy 5 years ago. What they do is each year send off balloons with his name on it, ( I think with his name) Have you tried counseling? God bless.
    IRA871

    Answer by IRA871 at 4:25 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • its ok that it bothers you. you shouldnt rush the grieving process. take your time. having family with you and a nice evening of remembrance will make you feel better
    annamcg18

    Answer by annamcg18 at 4:26 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I am so sorry you have lost your child and are hurting.

    How about planting a little garden for them. I have friend who lost a baby shortly after birth. She planted a little garden for her baby and she goes there when she is thinking about her and wants to be close to her.

    Big hugs Momma! I am thinking about you.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 4:27 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I've posted today with the same issue.I too have a hard time on this date.I lost my daughter 9 years ago.Most of the time I'm ok,but this day,I'm a wreck.I read an article once where the couple honored their lost child by donating baby items to women's shelters in her name.I wish I had the money to do this.I thought this was very sweet.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 4:35 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I'm not sure it ever gets easier. May 17th my son would have been 24. It is still a really tough day for me. My husband has learned to be around...but not be in my face. It mostly is a day I want to be alone. I used to look at our pictures of him on his BD but I can't anymore. We tried the celebration thing and it is heartless. Because of my beliefs I know he rests in heaven and that helps some. Oddly, my grandmother just passed Jan 18th. She was 97 and I find myself picturing her holding him. Everyone deals differently. I hope you can find a peaceful way for yourself.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:41 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • For those who've lost a child, I'm sorry. TMJ121099 what a nice idea that you read about - donating baby items to women's shelters. Maybe sewing a simple hemmed blanket could bring comfort and donating that or maybe a Caring Crafters is in an area near a mom who's lost a child. I know that some of those groups knit or crochet to donate to different places. And some of the groups gather to work on crafts for themselves or others. Perhaps one of those groups could ease one's pain? I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us about your children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • I didn't lose my child but my cousin that was lik my big brother and that was in 03 and I still cry and miss him very much when it's his birthday I will sit and write him a letter telling him I love and miss him it's ok to not be over the death of a family member. My aunt lost her dd in 07 and on her birthday or a holiday they take balloons and put them on her grave, my friend lost her 1 1/2 yr dd last summer and she does the same thing. Just know your not alone and its ok to still grieve my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family if you ever need to talk pm me I'm on and off here all the time.
    aubrees_mommie

    Answer by aubrees_mommie at 6:21 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • we go to his gravesite and free baloons. we lay flowers down, light a candle and watch the baloons float away. we write a letter to him and leave it in an envelope by his headstone. we cry, and we go home and continue on with our lives. it has been 2 years since we lost our first son. next month will be 5 years since i lost my older brother. the pain becomes more bearable, but it never goes away. it is okay to grieve for as long as you need to.
    jcsmummy

    Answer by jcsmummy at 8:38 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

  • my grandpa died in 03 and i still grieve for him. i know it's not the same but he was more like a father to me than my own was. when it comes to his birthday, i silently say a prayer and on memorial day i visit his grave and tell him about me and my family. all you can do is remember the good times and know that wherever they are, they aren't hurting and are smiling and waiting for you.
    proudmama1207

    Answer by proudmama1207 at 9:33 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN