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Do I let my Father or Stepfather walk me down the aisle?

My stepfather came into my life when I was about 8 and pretty much raised me after that...(through the hardest parts of my life.) My Dad was around a LITTLE bit through out that time....when I turned 18 I moved back in with my Dad (out of state) and he helped me get back on track, finish school, etc...I was living with him when I met my fiance and then my fiance and I moved in together....

I feel like they both hold equal parts of my heart and past. Do you think it would be ok to have one on each shoulder? Or my father walk me the first half, give me away to my stepfather who gives me away to my fiance?
How do I explain to them(mainly my dad, stepdad will understand) that I want them both to be involved?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • YES. Have them both do it. They are both meaningful in your life. They should both be honored in that way.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:23 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • One on each shoulder would be a lovely thing to do. Explain it to your dad exactly the way you did here.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:24 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • i agree with gdiamante. explain it like you did to us, you love them both they both had an influence on your life so you want both to give you away. he should understand
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:26 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Here's how I handled this sort of thing ... it will work equally well with two dads..... I had my parents (mom and dad) escort me half-way down the isle, where my two sons were waiting..... they walked me (My parents followed behind.) to a point 5 feet from the alter, where my fiancé had stepped out to take over from them.

    Have one dad (say the dad who raised you most, is closest to you or is most supportive of your marriage be the one to hand you off to your fiancé ). So one dad sort of announces you at the beginning of the bridal march, then hands you off to the other dad half-way, who in turn hands you off to your fiancé. Very symbolic, simple and no one is left feeling they weren't important. I'd be upfront with the dads though about whatever you decide.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 1:32 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • A friend of mine had the same situation. She explained to them that they were both very important men in her life and she NEEDED both of them to walk her down the aisle. The bio dad walked her 1/2 way and the step father (who she was closest to) gave her away.
    It was beautiful and worked out great.
    Good luck on your wedding.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 1:33 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I had a friend who was raised by her grandparents more than her parents. So her father and her grandfather gave her away. She simply told her dad that this was how it was going to be. He could either do it, or not be involved. I don't recommend that route. I recommend sitting down with them and explaining that you love them both very much and this it is important for you to have them both share this with you. She chose to have them both walk her the entire way down. Her grandfather was on her right, and her father on her left. That was very important to her. She said her grandfather meant more to her, and he was her right hand man. So that was where he belonged.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 2:19 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think everyone here has some amazing answers. Why not let them both walk with you, whether one on each side or each half? Another option, for those who are afraid of hurting anyones feelings, is to tell them that since you are an adult and times have changed, you want to walk yourself down the aisle. I had actually thought of having my daughter escort me at my next wedding, I left her dad young, it was just her and I for years til she was 9 when i met my current fiance. Its your wedding, do what you dream of.
    lakegeorge_mom

    Answer by lakegeorge_mom at 5:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I'd have them both walk me down. They are both Dad right? I'm sure both would be honored to do so. One on each arm!
    Vanessannd

    Answer by Vanessannd at 6:43 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I decided to walk down the aisle myself for a similiar reason and also because I am not a posession to be given to my husband. Either walk by yourself or have them both one on each side.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 7:48 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I would do one on each side. I was adopted by my dad when I was 12, and my father had NO influence in my life at all, so it was a non-issue for me. But if I had been in that situation, I would have had one on each side. And I didn't look at it as my dad "giving" me to my hubby like I am a possesion. I looked at it as my dad taking me to my hubby and letting him take the responsibility of protecting and taking care of me.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 8:16 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

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