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afraid mom will not accept my SO because he's black....

I plan to introduce my boyfriend to my mother on wednesday......the thing is, im very nervous because she is not accepting of me being with a black man because I've been badly hurt by a black man before, I feel that just b/c a member of a specific race does something bad, it doesn't mean that all people of that race will do it too...the man im with is extremely good to me and my do I get my mom to see that and give him a chance....?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:51 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • The only thing that will change your mom's mind about this guy is time. If he shows her that he truly is a good man to you, then she'll come around. But as for now, she will probably have her guard up, but only because she cares for you so much.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • It may not have anything to do with his race. Bad men come in all shapes, sizes and colors just like good men do.
    Does your SO know that your mother may not be very accepting of him? I would explain to him that your mother is leary of the men you date because one in the past treated you badly. Do not allow the situation to become about his race.
    In time, if he is truly a good man, your mother will see that.

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 7:17 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I agree with PrttyMstng. My first thought when I read your question was, has your mother ever actually SAID it's his race that bothers her? As a mother, I would be leary of my child being in a new relationship after being hurt in the past, regardless of the person's race. It's just a mom thing, we don't want to see our children hurt, and when it's happened once, we're especially nervous about the possibility of it happening again.
    Make sure that your SO knows that you've been hurt in the past, and therefore your mom is untrusting of the men in your life. Perhaps by making him aware, he can go the extra mile to be even more polite, respectful and kind to your mom, to show that he is not like any other man you've dated. Also, not to offend, but has your mom said or done anything racist in the past, or is it solely the old boyfriend? If it's just the ex, maybe you can ask her to please trust your judgment and give him a chance.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:46 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • She will have to get to know him to find out what kind of man he is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Just tell her Jeffrey Dahmer was white, does that mean all white men are cannibalistic serial killers? No.

    Answer by bethany_smith at 9:42 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Thank you for your help ladies, and to answer some of you; yes, my mom has actually said that she doesn't want me associate with black men because of my ex. She even went as far to deny that my son is half black (btw my son is half black lol). And yes, imy SO knows about this issue im having with her, but wants to meet her anyway, saying that its important for him to meet my family. My mom was the only one in the family who wasn't racist, so I figured I'd have him meet her but now she's being difficult :/

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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