Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my boyfriends daughter

My boyfriends daughter who is 11 still doesn't like me. I have been with him two years. She hasn't even met my family, just my daughter. Granted her father and i got together from an affair, but we're both happy. Shouldn't she accept that i make her father happy?My 6 year daughter has been around his family a lot.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Don't push it. It took awhile for my step-daughter to like me. Give it time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • well...for kids that age, its not enough. they feel lik the parent chose the person over their family makin the child feel lik that parent doesnt care. it could probly b that her mother is fillin her head with junk. thats a tough situation for a kid. they r just as confused as u. try doing stuff with her she likes. take her shopping see a movie she wants to see, but do not, under any circumstances, make her think that thats all ur good for...shes at a weird age and shes getting to the point where she thinks she can get away with murder as long as she pretends. sit her down and talk to her. let her explain how she feels and then tell her how u feel. its important to hav a good relationship with ur step kids just as much as ur own because they r a part of ur life and a big role in ur SOs life.
    xhellxfirex495

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 8:39 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I wouldn't push it. I had a step mom and at first I was not interested at all in having a relationship with her. Already had a mom didn't need another one. Took me awhile to come around. And my parents were divorced for a good year before she came into the picture.
    Now she and I are really close. I have a feeling the reason she is having a hard time accepting you is she feels like she would be betraying her MoM. You were the other women. Even though the affair worked out for you and hubby, you still hurt others in the process and chances are your step daughter has issues with the fact that her Dad cheated on her mom and hurt her and you being the other women it's a lot easier for her to be mad at/ dislike you then her Dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think if you let her know how you got together, that was a big, big mistake. You should have held off, at least in front of her for a while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Does she know you got together from an affair? I'm assuming so, since you make it sound that way. Here's my take on it: I don't know how the affair started, but I'm going to give you this from her point of view. You broke her mom and dad up. What possible reason does she have to like you? You make her dad happy? So what, so did her mom, before you came along.

    I'm not saying this is all your fault. Like I said, I'm giving you from her point of view, and that's how she, at 11 yrs old, sees this situation. She sees it as you destroyed her family, so heck no, she doesn't like you. I understand this bothers you, and hurts you, but you must remember that you are not dealing with an adult that can combine logic with emotion and realize that things happen, and life goes on. You are dealing with a child, who goes with her emotions, and her emotions tell her not to like you, b/c you destroyed her family, in her mind.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:24 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • You broke up a marriage? Is that what I'm getting from this story. Girl she is PISSED OFF AT YOU AND HER FATHER! She doesn't care how happy you two are, in her eyes you destroyed her happy life.
    bethany_smith

    Answer by bethany_smith at 9:33 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • If she knows that you and her father had an affair on her mother..
    good luck her ever liking you or respecting you.
    I remember being 11 and if I knew that I would rebel and probably never like you or respect you.
    She is young and knows what she knows, how could you except anything else from her.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:11 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • How do you expect this 11 year old child to accept a woman that interferred in her happiness of having a complete family? You cannot fault her for the feelings she has nor can anyone push her to like you...As an adult you should know that you cannot force her to like you. As an adult you should respect the way she feels and not push her...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:02 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • bethany_smith hit the nail on the head...

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 11:45 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • my dad and step mother got together though an affair also. I was 9 when my parents got divorced and I had to "share" my dad. Through my eyes she had no right to him, and should have been ashamed that she ruined my family. I was very angry most of my childhood and held it against her everyday from then on until I was grown and put childish things away. I think that it is just something that you are going to have to deal with, but I know that my moms feelings were a huge part of my influence. She hated my step mom and so I did as well. If my mom had been able to put on a front for my sake I am pretty sure that I would have given her a chance, but because I knew how much she hated the woman, I considered her evil from the start.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 12:23 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.