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what do i do??

ok so my bf and i have been together for 4 years and i dont know what to do any more, i love him but ive never been sure if he feels the same. he has hurt me so many times, he is not abusive or anything like that but its the things that he does behinde my back that i cant stand. about 2 months after my daughter was born he cheated on me he had a 2 month "relationship" with this girl, i forgave him because of coarse "it will never happen again". i have never had the proof but i am sure that it has happened again, i go thru his phone sometimes and every time i do i see something that i dont like, sexual comments to specific girls thing that he doesnt even say to me and never has. hes hardly ever home he works alot but as soon as he does come home he always has some reason to leave. there is alot more to it then i can really explain right now i would be typing for days. so my question is that should i leave him or not?

 
jac1908

Asked by jac1908 at 9:19 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Don't listen to whoever said to go to the shelter... that's not a good plan. He's not abusing you, so what would happen is if he wants the kids, and has the money to retain the lawyer, he could get temporary custody of them since you have no home.
    Take some online courses, find a job working at opposite hours as him so you don't have to pay for a babysitter, something that keeps a roof over your kids heads and food in their tummy and who knows, once you become a stronger woman, you'll either feel okay about venturing out on your own, or maybe you'll be a person more of interest to him. And I'm not saying that it's your fault he's cheating in any way but as a full time Mom, I know that our conversations were limited ot our kids so it wasn't very interesting. Be a person of interest... let him babysit while YOU go do things (not recommending cheating), and find yourself too. Plan ahead, don't make a quick decision.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:06 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • just wanted to add that i really dont have anywhere to go and i make very little money so i kinda feel stuck.
    jac1908

    Answer by jac1908 at 9:20 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • do you have family or a friend you could stay with? Staying because of no money is going to get you no where. Do you have a car? Follow him or ask him if he is cheating. Did you catch him the first time or did he tell you? In 4 years you should be able to tell if he loves you. Does he say it? Does he show it? How did he react about your child? I would try and find a friend or family member to take me in. Do you get along with his family? Could you stay with them for awhile?
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:26 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • You know exactly what your answer is already! I can tell by the way you have written your posting. But as a woman who was married to a man who cheated on me several times I must give you some additional advice. It's really not about him. I know this sounds weird but we often believe that we can "fix" our men. change their perspectived, and change the way they live. But honestly, it's about changing yourself. This means that you can't change him, you have NO control over that. But you can work on yourself. You need to grow- this might mean attending church, going back to school, joining the YWCA, or maybe all three. But it's time to concentrate on you and your baby! Everything, and I do mean everything else will fall into place. My prayers are with you.
    MsT1559

    Answer by MsT1559 at 9:28 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Get on your feet, set your priorities, make sure you have everything in order, even if it takes a year.. Then you can move on without any trouble. He isn't too worried about what you're doing so it shouldn't make a difference if you become independent of him.. You need to take care of you and your child because it's apparent that he doesn't care... GL message me if you need anything! Been there too, except I was married....
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 9:29 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • i ended up finding out about him cheating from phone records and running in to his friends daughter who thought that i wasnt even with him anymore at the time. i do have a car but just really no where to go, we have 2 kids together and no one really has the room. he does say that he loves me but he doesnt really show it i guess and the things that go on behinde my back speak way differently. i know that im really not giving enough info but my mind is all over the place right now.
    jac1908

    Answer by jac1908 at 9:32 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Pack your things, take your children to a woman's shelter...they will assist you in getting on your feet...instruct you how to proceed. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children. They need to see a shining example of a strong, stable, focused, and loving parent.

    There is obviously no love, respect or trust in your current situation, what have you got to lose?!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:43 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • i know that this sounds really bad but im really scared to leave him, to be on my own. how do i get over that and just do it ? i have anxiety problems as it is and just the thought of leaving freaks me out but yet i know that it needs to be done.
    jac1908

    Answer by jac1908 at 9:59 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Almost everyone is scared to leave someone "they love" but you will figure it all out.
    Us women are strong...look for help from family and friends who truly love you and want the best
    for you and your child. Nothing is easy at first but once you get on the right path all will fall in place.
    You will get your confidence and realize that your BF does not deserve you. Think of your child. You want her life to be full of positive, staying with your BF is nothing but negetive. He disrespects you. You want and demand respect. You need to get your muscles on that you may have thought you never had and head out to where it is sunnier and brighter. You are in control of your own future. Good look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better and pack your stuff and start a new future..Your BF is just a stepping stone to a new you, who deserve to be treated like a woman, a real woman.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Talk to an attorney (some large churches have attorneys who are members that do probono work for people who need it). He will have to pay child support even if you are not married. Start putting back any extra $$ you can. You can make it happen but right now you are tough situation. Once you get out of that mess, you will look back & know you did the right thing.
    madsmom11597

    Answer by madsmom11597 at 10:24 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

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