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How do I take back what I have said?

Okay so when my SO and I met, I was in the middle of my divorce which wasn't messy, but I had a very, very negative view of marriage (I was abused by, cheated on, lied to, and abandoned by my ex husband). I have never seen a good one and I had concluded that people are happiest when not married. Well, I made this VERY clear with him from the moment we met and have been pounding this in his head for a year.
Well, just like everyone said, I have a change of heart. Our relationship is everything that I have always thought that a good one should be. We have bad days of course, but we always fix it and compromise and really respect and love each other very dearly. Its kind of like a book how romantic it is. Well, my question is that now that I have told him that I didn't want to marry him, how do I tell him that I do... more than anything????

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BriHan06

Asked by BriHan06 at 11:00 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,166 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Does he want to marry you? he may be waiting for you to change your mind. Talk to him about it and say what if I changed my mind and wanted to get married again what would you say? has he been married before as well? Men are usually understanding of women more than what we think so he may be waiting on your to make up your mind. Just bring it up like you know I never thought I would feel this way and I never wanted to get married again but you have changed my mind and let him know how great he is. GOOD LUCK
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 11:02 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Tell him what you told us !!!!! It is understandable the "not wanting to get married again" because of the bad relationship, but that was your view then, things change, people change... Tell him how you feel and whats in your heart
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 11:02 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I can sooo relate!!! Only difference was that we both felt like you did.. When we told each other it was so awesome. Tell him, and CONGRATS!!
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 11:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • He has told me that he wants to spend his life with me however he can get me and I know that he is nervous about bringing that up because literally every time we have discussed any of our friends getting married I say things like" Seriously, have they learned nothing from my life" or "Man, I wish people would listen to me" I really am very outwardly against it and so thats all he knows. He has never been married and so its a little different, plus we are from two totally different cultures. (He is from Japan) I want to tell him, but I find that even now I say negative stuff just so that he doesn't know I have a change of heart. Perhaps I am scared?
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 11:08 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Well has he ever mentioned wanting to get married. Maybe it worked so well cause you were both on the same page about not getting married. But if he has mentioned it just tell him he is an amazing person and you couldnt be happier marring him and just let him no and Im sure that day will come.
    Nikky0803PAG

    Answer by Nikky0803PAG at 11:28 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Well I think you need to sit down and talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel and tell him that you have had a change of heart. That you are not saying you want to be married right now and you are not saying that you don't. Tell him that you love him and he has made a huge difference in your life and he has shown you that relationships are not all the same and are not always bad. Tell him that you would be more than glad to marry him one day, if and when he is ready and you are ready. Then you need to stop thinking negative and think positive. I have been there and I have been in a horrible relationship from an ex. However, my husband now is the best person in the world and we have been married for 4 years and it had been great. I mean don't get me wrong we have our ups and downs but he is there for me and only me. Good Luck with everything.
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 12:18 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • if your relationship is so great, why not just tell him. Personally I think it would be a huge compliment. Explain why you thought that way, what you think now and why.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 12:19 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think that I am stalling because I don't want him to take it as I want to be married right now, as in lets do it immediately. I want to finish school first and we have only been together a year so its still a little soon right? I don't know the standard waiting period, but in a couple of years, yes. I want to be his wife.
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 12:26 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Just say that you have been rethinking it and don't feel like you should have made a decision like that based on your experience with another man. He is not your ex and it was unfair for you to influence your decision on the x's behavior. Tell him that you were hurt and scared and can see more clearly now and want to base a new decision on your relationship with him. It's all good.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:36 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Tell him he is such an amazing person and you never thought you could trust someone like that again but he has meant the world to you. Tell him its shocking you know..but you could totally see yourself marrying him someday. Tell him you are going to look at other marriagesand try to not think negatively about them and you won't compare all marriages to the oe you had. We all grow and change, it is good!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:46 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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