Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Have you ever lost your identity in a relationship and how did you get it back?

I feel like I have given my all to my marriage. To the point that we even did cake decorating classes together and myspace became our space. I have been realizing lately that I no longer do the things I want and that my goals and needs have been pushed aside. Has this happened to you and how did you get yourself back?

Answer Question
 
goingcrazy73

Asked by goingcrazy73 at 11:05 AM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Starting doing things for you. Take time to do what you want to do and have time with your girls without him. You have to find your happiness as well and being with someone all the time isn't good for either of you. Start off doing something you did before and work your way up. Set up a goal and follow threw with it.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 11:09 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Yes it happened to me... He didn't want me to have anything to do with anyone I knew previous, family, friends etc.... I removed him from my life and moved on...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I sure did! I ended up leaving my husband, that's how i fixed it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:29 AM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Well you have to know together that you need alone time. You need time to do stuff for yourself & he needs time to do stuff for hisself. I mean I love to be with my husband and every minute we are together is great and I wouldn't give it up for anything but I am not with him much b/c of his work schedule & my work schedule so that is probably why I feel that way. If I was with him every evening and all weekend 7 days a week I would be needing a break after about 2 or 3 weeks. Even if it is just going to the store by yourself and not listening to him or the kids. Take a break and it will help tremendously. Work together so each of you will know each others feelings and how you need breaks from each other.
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 12:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • It happened to me. All of my time and energy went towards being a great mother and wife that my personal identity outside of that got pushed aside until it totally disappeared. I have tried to get it back over the years, but none of that stuff interests me anymore. I do not know what to tell you, good luck.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 12:17 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • actually yes! my ex fiance (whom I broke up with 5 years ago, and yet I still bring him up in questions like this lol) was very controlling. I didnt feel like an individual for a while there. nothing was "good enough" for him, my friends were all "losers", if I wanted to go out, and I knew he didnt want to join, he still made me feel guilty for not inviting him.... it was so confusing. I found myself again once we broke up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I found mine via divorce. You can find your's without that though. What did you want to do as a young women that you didn't get around to doing due to marriage? College? Career? Hobbies? Trips? My biggest breakthrough for me was doing my genealogy. No one but family can share that with you and it's a journey to help you know who you are by learning where you came from. It was eye opening for me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:34 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I feel that way sometimes but in a different context. I feel like as a mom, I gave up a lot of my identity because I didn't feel it was right to be a mom and still act my age. I still don't but I try to do stuff that I enjoy too. I hate being away but sometimes I go off by myself and do something that is not Hannah related. It helps me clear my mind and keeps me sane.
    BriHan06

    Answer by BriHan06 at 12:36 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think women especially wives and mothers fall victim to this fairly easy. It is important to me to "reinvent" myself from time to time so I don't feel like I am losing myself.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:52 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.