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this is about a close friend of mine with a bad and i mean bad alcohol problem

she is 22 years old and has cirrhosis of the liver all ready. i called some rehabs that are free and they will take her for 6 months and she wont go. and i called a hotline and they said to stop talking to her until she is ready to get help and she should come around and if she doesnt then you did all you could. so now she has like two months to live and she doesnt even care, she wont stop drinking she moved out of her moms house to move in with her ex boyfriend who hits her and who is 20 years older then her just so she can drink. then i get a call from her yesterday at 3 in the afternoon she isnt with him anymore she is living with some other guy she wouldnt tell me who. i told her that i really wish that i could have helped her before i moved and i am leaving in two weeks. she is going to die and im not going to be here. i just am so sad she really is a good friend i have known her for 5 years. i love her. what do i do???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Health

Answers (9)
  • I know it is hard to hear and even harder to do but you have to let her go. It does sould like you did all you can do for her, and if she is not willing to help herself then there is NO way you can help her. I am SO sorry to hear this and wixh you the best in this tuff time.
    Sbahns

    Answer by Sbahns at 1:04 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • hugs
    There is no helping someone that does not want help. you have tried hopefully she will see the light before its to late.

    dont be hard on yourself you are a good friend to even try to get her help.
    momto4boys03-07

    Answer by momto4boys03-07 at 1:13 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Some time when she is drunk, call the police and get her arrested for public drunkiness or something like that. Then she will be forced to go to rehab.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • My brother is exactly like your friend. He has a lot of health problems due to alcohol. He has almost died several times. He has cirrhosis of the liver, kidney problems, esophagus problems due to vomiting and many other health problems. He is 41. He will not stop drinking even though he knows he is killing himself. Rehab doesn't help him. He has been in and out for years. He will do good for a month and go right back to drinking.
    When they are this far into alcoholism there is no stopping them. It is sad. They have to completely want to help themselves before anyone else can help them. Also they have to stop hanging around the people who enable them. For my brother it is girlfriend who is also an alcoholic. When she leaves for awhile he actually does better and once she comes around again he is back to his old ways.
    Just be there for her and let her know you love her. That's all you can do till she helps herself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Her parents can go to a judge and have her involuntarily committed..and get the ball rolling that way.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 1:19 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • You've done everything thing that you can do, the rest is up to her. If she won't get help, then you just have to let her go. I know it's a very hard thing to do, but if knowing she's going to die isn't enough motivation to get her to stop or get help, then it's her problem and not yours any more. All the "interventionists" say that an alcoholic or addict of any kind has to hit a bottom before they will get help and if knowing she's going to die isn't a bottom for her, then nothing will be. You just have to turn it over to a higher power and let her go. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds like you're a good friend and have done all that you can do.

    brwneyedgirl314

    Answer by brwneyedgirl314 at 1:20 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Does she have a job? If so, call her boss. It sounds petty, but you have to do everything you can to help her if you don't want to lose her. Sometimes they will give employees an ultimatum - get counseling/go to rehab, or lose your job.

    Try calling everyone you can think of. Her family, other friends, pastors/ministers/religious guides...maybe the AA program in your area has someone who will come out and speak with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • You cannot do anything until she is ready to get help. No matter what you or anyone else says or does will not matter until she is ready for the help. Trust me, my family has been going through this for years with my brother, he has gotten 4 DUI's and spend years in jail, he isn't allowed to see his daughters without supervision and he doesn't care. He lost an excellent job with excellent benefits and he lost it because of alcohol, they had a zero tolerance policy for alcohol on the job. He was give a UI and had alcohol in his sysytem. NOTHING phases him. The more you push the less likely she will get help. She will get help when she is ready and not a minute before.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • momjoy- just because she is committed doesn't mean she will cooperate. Rehab doesn't work if it is forced and if it isn't wanted.

    to anon: just because you are arrested for an alcohol related crime, doesn't mean you get automatic rehab. My brother has been arrested 4 times and still hasn't been made to get rehab.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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