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Have you done this or has this happened to you?

Judged a kid by an insinct but it is a false insinct. My son is not a bad kid. I stay involved in his stuff in general. No issues but ocassional discipline. Well one of his close friends mom does not like him. He likes to go to their house and she straight out said to her son that my son can't come in the house. She fears he may steal and said she saw my son smoking. My son is crushed and said mom you know I would never ever do that. What would you do. We just did some nice home improvements and my son feels good now about home. I said honey you can have your friends over our house anytime. What would you do? Would you go meet the mom? He is a teen not 5 yrs old so I feel funny about going over there.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Now also I feel bad cuz I have done this in the past to some degree. Judging a kid not really knowing. We should be careful with false insincts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I would talk to the mom but that's me being confrontational. I know how I raised my son and he better be respectful to people. I have never had a complaint about his manners or attitude so yes I would be offended and go ask her why she feels that way. If she says she saw my son smoking and my son said he did not do it and I trust my son then I would be inclined to believe there is another issue.

    I would go talk to her. Sounds like something else is going on. Smoking=stealing? Hmm. If the correlation was that easy then cops everywhere would close more theft cases...just go find the kids that smoke. Geez. What a goober. If she says that your son is not welcome in her home then advise her that she needs to keep her tax deductions in her home as well.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 2:39 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I would try to meet the mom, maybe not call and specifically say hey we need to talk, but arrange to run into eachother. How old is your son? I know you said teen buit there is a big difference between 13 and 17 as far as what you can do and not embarass him. If he is a younger teen then maybe you could call his friends huse and ask the mom if his friend can stay the night, and let her knw what you will be doing, like taking them to a movie or whatever, start aconversation that way. Maybe is she sees that you are active in his life she may calm down a bit. Sorry he has to go through that, I know it sucks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Well, we can't control other's feelings or ideas. And we also never see ourselves or our children as the rest of the world does. She may just not like him, and that's enough for her. You also have the right to choose who can and can not come in your house. If it were me, I would not bother to go meet the mother, as it would then seem like groveling for friendship. The friendship is only between the kids. The kids either like each other or they don't. Your son can always invite the kid to your house right?
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:41 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Have his friends at your house. Make it a place the kids will feel comfortable. Sounds like the kids mom is a bit paranoid. Maybe she has your son mixed up with someone else.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • The only reason I would want to confront her is because we live two streets down. I don't know what other moms she talks to so I would want to clear my son's name!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I would talk to her about it non-confrontational if possible. Also would use this as an opportunity to teach my son that no matter how much it is not right and how much we don't like it people do judge based on impressions and misinformation even if they are wrong.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 6:55 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • If you live close, you better clear the air. If they didn't live so close, I'd do as other sugested - maybe invite her son over as other suggested, and invite the mom in for coffee, see what she says. Given it is not comfortable having some in the neighborhood falsely accuse your son, you might contact her and ask her if there is something she knows about your son, that you should know. Maybe there is, or maybe he hangs out with kids that she has seen smoking or heard they steal, and she assumes you son is the same. I'd act friendly and concerned, not agressive.

    As for your son, if you were to find out he is getting a bad rap because of some friends, he might have to pick better friends. My kids tend to do this as they are starting to get a bad rap due to some of their friends. I tell them it human, and its up to them to consider other friends, and above all, make sure their behaviour is irreproacable!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 2:14 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I would not say anything to her. It's probably for the best that he not go there. We always encouraged our children to invite their friends to our house, which they freely did. We were always here and we were always watching, though not hovering. Our children were always very comfortable with that arrangement and I actually think it may them feel very secure. Not everyone is going to like your son, and I think he might be embarrassed if you try to intervene with this lady.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • You should get to know his mom and maybe you guys can talk, maybe your son is smoking, you never know. Doesnt matter weather hes 5 or 15, getting to know the parents of his friends works, I wish my mom did it more often. Then you will see what kind of environment he is exposed to, I wouldnt want my kid to go to a crackhouse for example.
    MammaBella

    Answer by MammaBella at 10:00 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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