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Why do people still think to this day that if you have a child together you should get married too

And I am not talking about the people who planned it before the woman got pregnant, I mean the ones who just ended up having a baby or getting pregnant so they get married because of that reason. Aren't we past that already, why is that still the "right" thing to do? Shouldnt you get married because you love someone not because you ended up pregnant? I dont mean to bash anyone, because really I am just curious. Both of my kids are out of wedlock, and have different fathers, and I would have never married my DDs father, because I didnt love him. I am marryng my sons father, in June, but we had talked about it before and wanted that before I was even pregnant. I just want to know why people still think you should get married if you have kids together, or why some women think if she gets pregnant, the man will have to marry her KWIM

 
hautemama83

Asked by hautemama83 at 3:37 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (-14 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • When we found out I was pregnant the first thing my now DH said was "So when are we getting married?" I laughed and said NEVER!! I believe marrying someone because you had their kid is not a reason at all. Why pile on mistakes. Ok you got pregnant. Remember the old saying "2 wrongs dont make a right" Fits here too. Now I did marry my sons father but only bc I LOVE him. And we actually broke up during my pregnancy (after him, his dad, and a bunch of other people harrassed us with 'either marry her or you two should just break up' Real smart people we have in this world) and I refused to get back together with him until our son was 7 months because I wasnted him to know he wanted to be with ME for ME and not just bc he is a dad. And when we got back together it was with the intention of marrying. NOT bc of the baby but bc it was our decision to spend our lives together. People still assume thats why we are married though
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 3:50 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Apparently you're proud of your choice, and that rocks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think that marriage because of a baby is a mistake, and it (the majority of the time) doomed from the beginning. Hence the reason why I am single at this moment - my boyfriend asked me "So, are we going to get married?" 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant. I told him no, that i wanted him to marry me on his own terms, not out of some sense of obligation he feels.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • for me I decided not to have sex until I was married. My mom is such a fertile woman that I had a big fear of getting pregnant. DH was a virgin too on our wedding night, it was so special. We have been married now for 10yrs
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • my boyfriend and i had talked about marriage before i got pregnant so we do plan on getting married but we are young and in no hurry. his parents wanted us married like the day they found out i was pregnant but that's just not what we wanted. we are happy together but i don't feel that it's anything to rush into
    r_elizabeth2290

    Answer by r_elizabeth2290 at 3:47 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think the obvious reason people think you should get married is so that the children have the love and financial support of their father.

    My SO and I are not married, but we've been together for almost a decade and have two children...it works for us and we might not ever get married, but we are still committed to raising our children together with both parents and having the "nuclear" family thing going on.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 3:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Children deserve a stable home. Divorce is high but the break up rate of livin couples is much higher. Children deserve better than mom hopping from man to man or dad from woman to woman.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I think getting married just because you got pregnant is a mistake and usually fails...

    I do think that couples should be married before planning children, though.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 3:58 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Thats exactly what I mean theheartbaby, IMO why would you want to marry someone if the only reason they wanted to get married was because you had a child together, it makes no sense to me. But yet you still hear about it, and it still happens, and honestly I think thats why a lot of marriages fail is because people get married for the wrong reasons, it even happend with my DF and I when everyone found out I was pregnant, they all asked so when are you guys getting married, we never said anything because thats our business, and now we are getting married but not because we have a baby, IMO I think having our son is just a "bonus" to what we already have
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 4:01 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Before having sex became a recreational sport, most cases of pregnancy outside of marriage were either the result of rape or happened in a moment of passion between two people who were already planning to be married and simply lost their self-control. So they just moved up their plans and got married sooner than they had planned. It was considered to be important that the child be legitimately born into a permanently established home. The amazing thing is that the huge majority of those marriages were life-time commitments and lasted until the death of one of the spouses. The children had the benefit of being reared in a stable two-parent home, which was considered to be of great importance. Most people who were reared in that philosophy still think it makes for stronger families, a better citizenry, and a more moral nation. And being married, in most cases, eliminates a huge amount of psychological and emotional trauma.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:12 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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