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I am recently divorced from a man, though I just started seeing a woman. How do I explain this to my kids of 8 and 11 years old? Has anyone had similar experiences?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • O_O
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • surprisedO_O

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Maybe you should wait and see if it gets serious first. I wouldn't tell my kids about any person I was seeing unless I was serious. Well good luck and congratulations on your new relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I would wait. Tell them she is just your friend for now, they are just at the age where they are beginning to understand sex, so it might be a lil much at this age. I have not had similar experiences, but i had a boyfriend who's mom started dating woman after her divorce. She never confronted him about it, he confronted her (he was 18) & she was honest. She said she loves this woman, the fact that she is a woman means nothing. She said love goes beyond our physical bodies, and the fact that she is in love with a woman should be no more strange than if she fell in love with a man. Of course her son excepts her & loves her partner (they are still together after ohhhh....15 years) I would let them approach you first. But if they come of age where you think they will understand better, & you feel it's time definitely go for it.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:41 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • No I have never had to explain anything like that to my kids. Good luck with that/
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • never, i wouldn't want to confuse my kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I have not had that experience. However, I think it should be the same as if you were dating a man and you shouldn't say anything until things are very serious. You can introduce her to them after you are really sure about her but introduce her as a friend. They will assume nothing because at that age, they are really innocent. It isn't fair for parents to bring people in and out of their child's life. They need to reserve that for serious relationships. That's my opinion anyway. By them knowing her as your friend, maybe they will eventually be able to create a bond with her as well and when they are old enough or you feel it's time to tell them the full truth, maybe it won't matter.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 5:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I had the opposite experience. I was with a woman for 15 years and knew for a long time that I preferred being with a man. We had a child together that she gave birth to and I legally adopted. We broke up over 3 years ago and I started dating a man 2 years ago. It was very hard for my daughter at first to understand (she was a pre-teen at the time). She has adjusted and really adores my boyfriend. I think she sees him as a father figure and he is really good to her. I would say don't introduce your new relationship to your kids until you know that it is solid. Kids at that age don't yet understand sexuality, so I wouldn't bring that into it at all. If this relationship is really good, then introduce them. Just use your intuition on how to proceed after that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I've never been in your situation, but to me, a good general rule is to not introduce your new date, of either gender, to your children until you are getting rather serious. In the meantime, though, if you want to prep them, you could start talking to them about same sex relationships. My kids are 8 & 5, but I have a lot of gay friends and a couple of gay family members, so my kids have understood for some time about them (in an age appropriate way, of course.) You could start with just a simple that while lots of people have man/woman relationships, some men love other men and some women love other women, there's nothing wrong with it, and so on. Maybe see if you can find some books on it that would help. Then, if/when you do introduce them to this woman, they'll have something of a foundation on which to try to understand and accept your new relationship. Good luck, with the kids and the relationship!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:32 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Just as it would be with another man, I would wait until I was sure it was going to work out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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