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Grandmothers..... help me help my friend?? She's so tore up!

My best friends 1st grandchild is due tomorrow. Early on her son and DIL asked her to keep the baby 1 day a wk when the DIL goes back to work... but here's the kicker... my friend quit smoking last year, but started back and has been trying so hard to quit again. She does NOT smoke in the house and WOULD NEVER smoke around the baby. She ran into the Step Great Grandmother of her DIL at Walgreens today.... who informed her that they have asked her to keep the baby now. My friend is sooooooo hurt, bawling her eyes out... they didn't even come to her to talk to her... throughout the pregnancy they've been mean to my BFF, made mean and snide comments to her and have already driven her to tears once over this.... now the baby is coming tomorrow and my BFF is so hurt right now that she doesn't even want to go to the birth. What can I say to her to encourage her to stay strong.


Asked by PaceMyself at 7:50 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I am brokenhearted for her, too. How sad to have made plans like this and they changed their minds. I don't have any words of comfort other than that she'll get to see the baby at times, just not on a regular basis, unless they change their minds again. It is very sad. But she must go to the birth for sure. She would regret in the future not going. And who would she hurt by not going, only herself. She should go and have this precious memory. Then she should visit the baby whenever she can.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:14 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • She should go to the birth, she'd regret not going. She is right to be hurt if she had agreed to watch the baby and then they decided without telling her that they changed their mind. There is nothing wrong with smoking outside only and never around the baby, as far as watching the baby, that is, of course. When the couple have settled down after the baby is born, she should talk to them about how hurtful they were to change their minds about her and not even tell her. Lots of grandma's don't get to watch their grandchildren, however, so she should just enjoy the baby whenever she gets a chance if they really don't want her watching the baby. The smoking situation sounds kind of odd considering she agreed to not smoke around the child and to never smoke inside. It makes me wonder if there is some other objection.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:56 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Nope... it's been the smoking all along. I do not believe in smoking around babies EvEr!! Neither does she. Her son is the big instigator here, they have made off hand comments and threats the entire pregnancy, but then stood by knowing that she was converting her guest room into a nursery (her DIL even helped her pick out the colors)...... I don't know WHAT to think. I'm angry for her and with her, the way they've handled this is just ridiculously mean and unwarranted.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 8:06 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I've been a smoker for several years and just recently quit and have recently begun having a few puffs when I'm stressed (which is a bad bad idea but lucky for me, so far I've not given in and went back to smoking full time). My reason in telling you that is so you'll understand that I'm not bashing smokers. But a non smoker smells the smoke on a smoker even when we can't smell it. It gets on our clothes, the nicotine is on our hands and even when we don't have a cigarette lit up, small amounts of smoke are coming out of our mouths when we breathe, if you don't believe me, and you're a smoker, hold your breath and then breathe and and watch and you'll see a smoke cloud.. anyways. It gets on the clothes even when you're outside adn that's bad for a baby (I'm guilty myself, but I'm trying to help you see their side). They should've talked to her, but she needs to understand that they're protecting their baby, not being mean

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:17 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Oh, I get it... I'm not about to be the one to argue and say you can't smell the smoke, I know you can. But they shouldn't have watched and let her go through all the preparation AND expense of converting the guest room knowing they weren't going to let her keep the baby. They shouldn't have let her find out from a step grandmother on a sheer-chance meeting in a drug store. They should have talked to her... it's not like they didn't have time. She's so heartbroken, and mostly because she feels like they didn't/don't think enough of her to have let her know themselves.... it's not like they are estranged. They go to church together, have at least 1 weekend a month together, have dinners out, my BFF has been going over and cleaning house this last month for her DIL (hell she just went over today and did all the vacuuming, dusting and mopping so the house will be clean when they get home from the hospital in a couple of days.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 8:44 PM on Apr. 14, 2009