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What advice can I give to my 10 year daughter about friends?

Today, my 10 year old daughter came home from daycare depressed and worried because her best friend had been talking about and laughing at her behind her back. She said that she didn't think this little girl was her true friend. This friend is very boy-crazy to be 10 years old and has a crush on my 9 year old son, who also goes to the daycare. I have a feeling that she is using my daughter to get close to my son. What advice can I give to my daughter when little girls pair up against each other and hurt other's feelings? I know that it will probably get worse in Middle School.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • Tell her to just be herself and her real friends will except her for who she is. Don't try to imitate no one else because that wouldn't be her true self. Try throwing a slumber party and inviting some friends over. Right now they are young and have a lot of growing up to do so , this too shall pass, trust me.

    Answer by diamondmamma at 10:35 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • just like diamondmamma said, tell her, that her real friends will stick up for her, not being the ones teasing her. they will be the ones she can turn to for anything and not have fear of being ridiculed. i think the slumber party idea is good too, she can invite friends other than "her best friend" that way she can try to get to know other girls better

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:50 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Just make sure she has a good time while she's at home. Soon she'll be old enough to stay home on her own. I will let my son stay home alone at 11, but he'll have his own cell to keep on him just in case, and this is all ONLY if i think he is responsible at that time. There's really not too much to tell her, except to confront this girl about it. If she can't say it to her face then just leave it at that. She shouldn't care what people say behind her back, because it's usually not true. Just tell her to make a big deal about it to the girl's face. If you can't say anything nice, don't talk about me, or to me, AT ALL! =]

    Answer by mommykayti at 10:53 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Tell her having friends can be a little tricky that way... Some girls can be caniving as young as ten yrs old & though it is very hurtful be there for her and tell her throughout her lifetime she will find herself re-evaluating who her true friends are. I would tell her to treat her friends @ face value and to understand most girlfriend are catty & that sometimes you have to accept some of their quirks otherwise you wind up with none. Nonetheless, remind her to remain true to herself & this might also be a good time to tell her that those character flaws at such a young age are not the norm, clearly this child is quite unhappy... Furthermore, she need not compromise her morals & values.
    Let the games begin...Ugh the uglyness of gossip, bullying etc. teach her to be strong & develop a backbone of steel get her more involved in other xtra curricular activities so that she can meet other friends with similar interest

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Cont.~ Be there for her & remind her there will always be cruel people in the world but @ the end of the day she has her family and a few good friends too. Brace yourself my dear this is only the beginning hopefully she will develop thick skin. Meanwhile, as a mother of a young lady I would work on her self-esteem and assuring she is surrounded around positive influential women.
    Some wisdom you can share with her...
    *No one can make you feel inferior without your permission ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    Answer by Bellafleurs at 11:16 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • Cont. Part lll
    Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind ~ Dr. Seuss

    Answer by Bellafleurs at 11:38 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

  • I was probably 25 before I finally learned the lesson that "people who do not have friend behavior, ARE NOT FRIENDS!"

    Hopefully your daughter will get that lesson sooner. Talking about you behind your back, leaving you out or making fun of you are NOT friend behavior.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:33 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • What state are you in here in kansas its 12 to stay home by her self(if she resposible) why is she in daycare? well anyway she gonna have to learn that some kids are mean because they dont have "true" friends

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • ya been there..i have 3 daughters one is 29 and one is 24 and the last is 9(thought i was going through menopause)well its not like when the older girls were small.the girls are real caddy/tell her that the girls she hangs around with now are not going to be the friends in jr high...ya i agree tell her to be true to herself.let her play with who she wants as long as there is no real injury but just let her know how these girls are and there not going to change.and dont forget now the moms are daughter has a friend where they will make friends at school but as soon as they get home its a different story,the mom picks who she is going to play with.and this will probly go on..but now my daughter knows it.its like the moms are controlling the whole game.and i wouldnt even call them helicopter moms.i would call it living there lives through there daughters.

    Answer by raineydays377 at 10:37 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • ahh wait till high school. And my daughter is going through a close situation right now. I told her real friends don't treat you like crap.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 11:44 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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