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He wants me to work... I don't want to.

My hubby wants me to start working, we have a one year old daughter and I havent worked in 3 years.

Im pretty posotive he is jealous of me staying home all the time, which is why he wants me to start working.

I try to tell him that I DO have a job, and that is being a mom, but he doesnt think I do anything. And he says it is very unattractive that he has to support me.

My feelings are hurt, and I do not want to have her in daycare. Any advice for me? How can I make him understand the importance of being home with me?

Answer Question
 
Sherrae

Asked by Sherrae at 2:05 AM on Apr. 15, 2009 in Money & Work

Level 9 (335 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • Well welcome to the real world. Most women can't really afford to stay home these days and it's just not fair for the father to have to support everyone. I agree with him. There are so many single moms out there doing the work of 5 women put together... It won't hurt you to find a job and help support yourself. Some women don't realize that if something happened to their SO they would be out of luck. If you don't work, when the time comes, you will have no experience. I commend your husband. He is trying to make the world a better place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • im a stay at home mom and I dont think my hubby would ever say that im sorry. I would talk to him more about it and tell him you dont want to put her in daycare.. When I had to work i worked days and my hubby worked night so one of us had the baby so i wouldnt have to put him in day care just talk and pray about it ...
    hinson7169

    Answer by hinson7169 at 2:12 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Why can't you get a part-time job? He doesn't like having to be the sole provider
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yeah so obviously anon isn't a SAHM. Who WANTS to be the "mom out there doing the work of 5 women put together" as she said. Anyways, to answer your question....
    What are the reasons you wanted to be home in the first place? Do you need the money? Do you need to give your family more financial cushion? Is he truly jealous or is this just your perception? If you don't know don't assume, just talk to him. Does he realize how expensive childcare is? Added costs of working like gas, lunches, eating out more since you may not cook as much....add all those up. Try to get him to say why he's pushing you to work...if its because of jealousy he has some soul searching to do.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:14 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • My feelings would be hurt too. Why dont you get a job and get fired? Then perhaps he wont even bother. You can just say "I tried honey! But Im just better taking care of the house and our baby. Im just not ready and neither is our daughter" I also think that maybe you could quit doing his laundry and dishes and cooking... Then he mite appreciate you a little more... it sounds means and manipuliative. But if I really wanted to stay home, I would stop at nothing! But if your nicer than I am.... maybe you can try a part time thing if you really need the cash and see where you fit back in. I felt so lost after I had my son. Also, Daycare is super expensive. So you should defiently do a good old fashioned PROS AND CONS list. If your not making enough money to pay the $200 a week $800 a month for daycare and you clothes you need for work and all the extras, and your not benefiting from it. NO WAY!!! Good luck! :)
    BraidensMommy01

    Answer by BraidensMommy01 at 2:14 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • My hubby also expects for me to work, but I also want to work. Why would anyone not want to work, I do not understand that. What does that teach your child? To expect someone else to support you? NOt cool
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Ps...I'm a SAHM and my husband and I love it this way. He enjoys being the soul financial provider and enjoy the benefits and work of a SAHM. I would have a very hard time if my husband and I didnt agree with this but if I needed a 2nd job I would do it in a heartbeat. Bottom line you gotta do whats best for your family in either cases.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:16 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • tell him ur getting a job thats nights if he works days or days if he works nights that way the bby doesnt have to go to day care and can be watched by him while your at work!!! He wont like that idea! lol!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I cant stand being a stay at home mom I get drivin nuts all day and night being in this house!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • your husband finds the working and indepandant looking women he probably sees everyday atractive and strong.he maybe thinks of your dependence on him weak.maybe he would like some of the financial pressure off him,someone who would understand and help him make a plan when times are tough,instead of all eyes on him.that is very understandablewhy not get a part time job?its obviusly important to him.why dont you want to work[save for daycare issue]?
    2ndtimemom605

    Answer by 2ndtimemom605 at 6:54 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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